NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

But first, Autumn writes in and says:

"My baby sister left for boot camp last week and it was her departing request of me that I keep her updated on the many Survivor episodes she'll miss and especially her favorite castaway, Rupert.

You made the job quite easy, as I simply drew up a quick letter to her and printed out your complete review of last week and dropped it in the mail for her reading enjoyment. So you're now writing for all of the Survivor fans at the Great Lakes Training Center for Navy recruits in Chicago."

That's pretty dang cool and I'm flattered. Hello, Autumn's Baby Sister, and a big thank-you to everyone at the Great Lakes Training Center for defending our country!

ABS's favorite player leads off the show on Night 24. "Night time is my one bad time," he says. Rupert says he misses his family most at night and to cope he talks to his wife. Who isn't there. Yes, Rupert is losing his mind.

Day 25 and Jon again talks about how Rupert, Christa and Sandra and over-confident with their power. He chats some more with Burton about teaming up with Lill, Darrah and Tijuana to stage the overthrow.

Rupert goes fishing and sees a small shark. He says he would have taken a shot at it if he could've gotten closer to its head. Rupert has already lost his mind.

"Betrayal is fun!"

Burton and Jon announce their plan while the five of them are alone. Tijuana and Darrah are obviously happy about it since it sure beats getting voted off. They agree to pretend Darrah is next to go.

The next day Burton says if he wins the next Reward he'll give it to Rupert to keep up the appearance of an alliance. Not a bad idea.

The Challenge is a ship-shaped obstacle course involving cargo nets, swinging ropes and a sail slide. There will be random teams of two and each person must ring a bell before advancing to the next stage. The winners get a deep-sea fishing adventure on a catamaran and a meal of pizza and beer. None of that goes together but the Survivors don't care.

Burton and Lill are paired again and will take on Christa and Darrah for the right to advance to the final. They begin and the course is a tough one. Getting tangled in the net provides bumped heads all over. As expected, Burton leads his pair to an easy victory.

The next heat is Sandra and Tijuana versus Rupert and Jon. The men have the early lead but Jon misses a bell and has to climb back up the slide. The women catch up and it's close to the finish, but Rupert will not be denied.

The final has the added challenge of assembling a puzzle at the end. The racers take off and as Rupert tumbles down the net he flashes some up-skirt. "Saw way too much of Rupert on that," Jeff says.

Lill does a face-plant off the rope swing. Somewhere Old Kim from S3 is proud.

The teams are close to the very end but Rupert and Jon can't handle the puzzle. Burton and Lill win! The lone female in the final plants a bit wet one on Burton. "Quit doing that, Lill!" he says. The rest of us agree.

Jeff says the winners have the option of giving away their prize, which is just what Burton planned, but…"I wanna keep this!" Lill exclaims. Burt seems startled for a moment then gives his to Jon. He later says he wants Rupert to be as weak as possible for the Immunity Challenge.

Rupert also thought he was getting the Reward from Burton so he now wonders if he's as secure as he thought he was. He mumbles something about death as he thrashes a coconut with a hatchet.

Lill now feels guilty and says she should've given the Reward to Rupert so he could've caught more fish for the tribe. She adds that she wanted it because she can't afford to do nice things like this. Don't be pathetic, Lill.

Ring the bell, ding-dong.

Later, Burton and Jon are talking strategy. Why? They've already decided what to do. Sure enough, Sandra is listening in from the bushes. Did somebody get a tip from a cameraman?

Sandra tells Rupert that Jon was saying he'd work on Lill while they're on the boat. Rupert asks if Jon is going to turn on them, and Sandra says no! Is she dumb or in on it? Rupert says he'll confront Lill when she returns to get the real scoop.

On the boat, Jon toasts "to the final three." Lill however says she feels guilty about turning on Rupert. Jon replies that she has to check guilt at the door or leave the game.

They partake of the pizza and Lill is pleased. She says simple things make her excitable and Jon says he needs to date women like her. Ew.

Later the bony blonde admires himself in the window. Lill has gotten drunk on ¾ of a beer and yells out, "I am the Scout Master!" from the front of the boat. Leo DiCaprio she ain't.

The winners return to camp with NO fish. Nice work. That night, Rupert asks Lill if Jon tried to make an alliance with her and she says no. Rupert believes her and Lill has officially entered the game.

The Immunity Challenge is a blow dart game. You have to hit your own color to become a "killer" then you knock out the other players by hitting their color. You start with three lives and killer status gives you an extra life.

Lill, Tijuana, Darrah and Jon miss badly. Rupert naturally hits his target on the first try. Burton does the same. Another round of misses until Jon is killerfied.

Rupert hits a double on Darrah and she's down to one life. Sandra becomes a killer. Lill, Darrah and Tijuana can't hit jack. Jon nails a triple on Christa and she is gone. Rupert eliminates Darrah. But Burton hits Rupert's triple! He loses killer status and is down to one life…

…until Sandra eliminates him on her next turn! Rupert is in big trouble now. Burton then finishes off Sandra in two tries. Jon may suck but he can't blow. Burton triples him off then calmly finishes Lill to win Immunity. The man cannot be stopped.

Back from commercial we get a close-up of a snake biting into a big iguana. We call that symbolism.

Woe is Lill.

Rupert knows Burton's attack wasn't a mistake. So what's he going to do about it?

Burton tells Jon they're going to the final two. What about his promise to Lill?

The snake starts to swallow the lizard that has to be three times its size. Amazing.

Lill still feels guilty regarding Rupert. "I love that man!" she says. Turn, baby, turn!

Rupert says he still has Christa, Sandra and Lill on his side and the worst that can happen is a tie. He confirms with his Drake five that Darrah is next to go. Why does he trust them?

The snake finishes his meal.

Off to Tribal Council and smooth-looking Ryan returns. Jeff asks if there's one person they couldn't live without and Sandra says, "We'd be assed out if it wasn't for Rupert. Assed out." I can't believe spell check likes "assed."

Lill says there's someone besides Rupert who catches fish. Oh great.

Jeff asks if there's competition for the alpha male role but Burton says no. However, he too says the tribe could survive if one of them was "struck by lightning."

Jeff continues digging for conflict by asking if anyone's not pulling his or her weight. Sandra immediately calls out Jon for being lazy. "It's all about her," he rudely says. Burton keeps his Immunity and they vote.

Rupert casts his for Darrah and Jon votes for Rupert. "To be the man, you got to beat the man. Wooo!" Why does he keep quoting old wrestlers? Why do I know that?

Rupert's only hope now is for a tie. The rally reads: Darrah, Darrah, Jon?! Where'd that come from? So much for the tie. Rupert, Rupert, Rupert, Rupert. He's gone! Jeff reads the final vote anyway: Rupert again.

There will never be another.

Sandra is stunned and Jon is giddy. Rupert is slain. "I cannot believe them," he says as Jeff snuffs his torch.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

In his final words Rupert says he really needed to win this. He says he trusted too much, and like always, he didn't fit in. You know, for a guy who counsels teens, he sure seems to care a lot about what other people think of him. "So much for my dreams," he mopes. Don't be a Lill, Rupert.

We see that it was Sandra who voted for Jon. What was she thinking?? Dumb or sly, that is the question.

Next WEDNESDAY on Survivor: Jon gets "devastating news." Then somebody "does the unthinkable." Burton yells about sabotaging the tribe, Jon yells at Sandra and Christa, and Sandra yells back. So there will be a lot of yelling.

I'm not happy about this Wednesday thing. I assumed this week would be the filler recap episode so we Thanksgiving travelers wouldn't miss anything. So I apologize in advance as next week's summentary will be delayed due to the holiday.

What do you know--things did play out exactly as they appeared in last week's preview. Shows what I know.

But what I do know is that I've got a hot rumor about Rupert. Highlight between the asterisks if you can handle a possible spoiler.

* Weep not, Blackbeard fans. Word around the Internet is that Rupert will be back as a member of Survivor 8, the All-Star edition! I won't ruin the surprise of the entire All-Star cast, but I like what I've seen so far. *

As far as the remaining six, Sandra and Christa have an obvious move. They need to approach Tijuana and Darrah about an all-woman alliance. Not only would it get the Morganites one step further (guaranteed top 4 instead of 5) but none of them would have to battle Burton for Immunity. Sandra has alluded to it in the past so now we'll see if she can pull it off.

I hope no one chokes on their iguana.

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