Sorry, just playing with the pirate theme. I still can't sinks me teeth into it, ye scurvy dog.

Opening the Dang Fun mailbag, Stephen writes in and says, "I've got to say, the partially-evolved Rupert is the flat-out greatest personality to have appeared so far, ever, on this show. . . And it's not just that his name is Rupert Boneham and he used to be a gravedigger. He is the anti-Jenna and just what I need after last season." Very well said. Too bad Rupert wasn't around to bury Jenna last time. It just proves yet again that the success of this show is based not on the pretty people, but on the freaks.

Stephen also says members of his Survivor viewing group showed up in pirate costumes for the premiere last week. Now that's a great idea and I may have to look into it for the finale. Whar be me eye patch?

Cap'n Blackstubble-at-best writes in with this: "The Immunity Idol is a skull with a gold doubloon on a stick! I'm numismatically disappointed in you for missing that one." I apologize, but no need to call me names.

Let's set sail for more Survivor fun!

Night 3 and Morgan is freezing. I wouldn't have thought to buy blankets either, but I probably would've said, "You know, my saggy gym shorts aren't going to cut it for a month."

Ryan Shoulders the burden of losing.

Ryan S. is officially known as "Skinny Ryan." Yeah, that'll encourage him to try harder in the challenges. Although I suppose it's fitting that his last name is Shoulders. It must be short for "Shoulders, Knees, Ribs, and Every Other Bone Sticking Out."

Life continues to be completely different at Drake. Day 4 brings us Rupert gathering firewood and a view up his skirt. Blackbeard the Cross-Dressing Pirate is loving life on the island. He talks about the tip of "my" spear being loose. Foreshadowing aplenty.

Back at Morgan the Skinny One goes to look for a message by saying, "Tree Mail, Tree Mail, what-what, the Tree Mail." If that's not a Strong Bad reference, The Cheat can drink all my melonade. And if you know what I'm talking about, I love you.

The Reward Challenge approaches and RySkin says, "There may not be more pressure for any Survivor in the history of Survivor to do well in the challenge than me." Yeah, that'll help him relax and do his best.

The challenge is a swimming relay race that involves diving to the ocean floor to put items in a sunken chest. The prize is one third of a map to buried treasure on each tribe's island. Plus, the winner of every challenge will get to take one item from the losing tribe's camp. Very nice.

Sandra sits out for Drake and Skinny leads off for Morgan. Not quite the way to build an early lead. Ryan can't even dive down to the chest and he has to return to shore to give his item to Other Ryan. Drake leads by two items as we see more of Ryan O's blurred out crack.

It is now 3 to 1 Drake and Lill runs out without any pants on. Scout's honor, I didn't need to see that. Drake leads 4-2 and they are on their final item. Now the underwaterwear camera gives us a close-up of Christa's behind. They should have just called the show Survivor: Season of Butts.

Sandra makes friends with Morgan.

Drake wins easily. Back at camp they discuss what to take from Morgan. Shawn says they could use a water jug. Jon says if Morgan has two jugs but only one tarp, "it would be good to hurt them by taking the tarp." Rupert replies, "Honestly, we don't need to hurt them." He's a buccaneer with a heart of gold.

As the losers wait, Andrew considers they might take the tarp that makes up the roof of their shelter. Osten says, "If he takes that tarp, I'm going home. I ain't lying." Andrew thinks he's lying.

Sandra arrives to pillage and is surprised at how little they have. She rubs in how much her tribe bought at the village. She looks for a water jug but after not finding one, she does in fact ask for the tarp.

The fun begins. The Morganites tell her she'll have to take it down herself so she says, "I'm going to lay it nice and easy so you guys can pick it up later," as she throws palm branches around. Darrah tells us, "That whole tribe is just a bunch of &%@$!#." Probably a good idea I couldn't read lips there.

Osten now says he's serious about leaving. Tijuana tries to talk him out of it but he's afraid he's going to catch pneumonia. Is his momma there?

Day 5 and, sure enough, the spear tip falls off while Shawn is fishing. Rupert is not pleased. "My spear is dead!" Please don't go Jan on us and name the spear.

Christa sides with Rup and says, "Shawn is the biggest puss I have ever met in my entire life." Rupert is seriously on the verge of tears over this spear. The skirt is controlling him.

"I love you, Spearica."

So he goes out looking for it…and he finds it! No way. The camera was even right there to watch him pick it up. Have fun conspiracy fans. He does the Ghandia yell, but it's out of happiness.

On to Immunity and it's another complex race. Three people are tied to a raft which is pulled out to sea by the other tribe. After getting untied, the captives swim back and use compass points to locate a buried flag. Got it?

Christa sits out and Andrew is first to get untied. Morgan returns to shore with a "huge lead" according to Jeff. But they can't get their tube with the directions open! Drake catches up and starts digging first. Is Morgan going to blow it again?

Yes. Drake wins! Anguish for Morbid. This is getting ugly. Somewhere, the members of Maraamu are smiling.

Later, Osten tells Skin to vote him off. Andrew doesn't like it. "We can't compete with Grizzly Adams and those other two horses without Osten," he says.

Osten says his body is telling him to stop but Lill doesn't buy it as we see a clip of O running around on the beach. Skin On Ry tells Tijuna about Osten's plea. Can she pull an Alex and save this season's Shawna?

Council time and Jeff busts them for not resolving the sleeping issue after six days. Ryan S. says they don't have focus, obviously implying poor leadership. Jeff asks Andrew about it who says it's going to change tomorrow. And I'm going to stop being sarcastic tomorrow.

Lill says she'd give the tribe an A+ for spirit. They do look like ghosts. She continues that they were close in all three challenges but Jeff interrupts with, "Wait a minute. The Reward Challenge you guys would still be out there." The man.

Ryan Of Many Names admits someone asked to be voted out, but won't say who. Like it's a secret.

Lillian votes Osten. How on earth did she spell his name right? "You're the one who's saying, 'My big burly body has shut down.'" Let him have it.

"Ryno" votes for the Ryan with the much lamer nickname.

Said Ryan votes for Osten.

Osten sure looks sick.

Jeff tallies and we have: Osten, "Skinny Ryan," Osten, Ryan S., "Skinny Ryan" and Ryan S. Just like Shawna, Osten is staying against his will.

We see the votes at the end of the show and Osten was dumb enough to vote for Ryan. If the guy really wanted off, why wouldn't he throw a random vote at Darrah or someone like that? Not impressed with his O-ness.

Mr. Ryan Shoulders says, "I think I lost this game in the first five minutes I was out here." He adds that he didn't make the right friends and is disappointed in himself. Buck up, big guy. And go eat a sandwich for crying out loud.

Next time on…Survivor: Lill is upset that the quitter is still around. Drake hunts for treasure. Does this mean they win another piece of the map? Sandra goes off. "Screw Jon, he's an ass." Just two episodes later that I thought it would happen.

Morgan is in baaaad shape. No way they win anything physical, and I don't think they'd fare well in mental games either. If things are lopsided again next week, there has to be a tribe swap in week 4. Rupert can only carry the show for so long.

I like the pillage angle of the Reward Challenges a lot. If you thought there was a rivalry between the tribes before, look out. The one drawback however is this will make it a lot less likely that people abandon their original tribes after the merge, which is what made last season so unpredictable. The extra heavy fighting will have to make up for it.

Have a nice butt!

-Scott

Email us! Survivor@DangFun.com
Back to the Survivor 7 Index
Dang Fun Home