Just in case you were beginning to think Survivor 6 was lacking in complete idiots, we bring you Episode 9.

Rob is talking to Mattew in the dark. "This is very highly confidential," he says as Matt grins goofily. Spy music plays in background and Rob sends Matt to relay their latest plans to Butch.

Matthew explains, "It's a chain and I'm Butch's link to what's happening. I told him that I will decide when we speak; I will initiate all communication; I'll decide how much information he gets. I am his lifeline." Oh yes, this is going to be a good one.

At the very same time, Rob is back at camp mocking Matt and Butch to the others. Another of this week's themes.

Mail arrives along with a bow, spear and blowgun. The Survivors practice and Heidi handles bow and arrows like S3 Brandon (minus the squeal). Rob says, "Coming into this game the only spears I knew about were Britney and broccoli and asparagus."

Insert Rob making "blow" comment here.

Matt on the other hand is a natural. But he tells Rob he's going to lose the challenge on purpose so he isn't seen as a threat. This show is Matt's mental crown achievement.

What is up with Rob's turban? That's a way to wear your buff I doubt will catch on.

For the Reward Challenge, everyone shoots a blow-dart. Then the best four throw the spear, with the best two competing with the bow. The prize is a trip to specially-built coffee bar complete with snacks.

In round one Matt hits the dead center of the bulls-eye. So much for throwing the challenge. Alex, Butch and Deena join him in the second round.

Matthew drills the bulls-eye again. What is he doing?

Alex also makes the final and they go up into a sniper tower which may not be wise considering Matt's recent behavior. The crazed one goes first and hits the third band from the center. Was that intentional? Is this his idea of throwing a challenge? Alex's arrow lands one ring closer and he is victorious.

Alex gets to pick a buddy and chooses Jenna, for no apparent reason except maybe she's the new Shawna. They go to the "Amazon Café" and stuff themselves with danishes, cookies, and donuts, all washed down with huge coffee drinks.

Back at camp Deena tries to lead a discussion about Alex as a physical threat. It's a beaut:

Deena: "You tell me how well you think you're going to be able to advance if Matt or Alex is in the game?"
Heidi, indignantly: "Matt's not in the picture."
Deena: "I understand that. What if Matt wins Immunity tomorrow."
Heidi: The world's blankest stare and dumbest tongue gesture.

Returning to the Rewarders, Alex tells Jenna, "You and Heidi and Rob are like so much fun." They both talk about not trusting Deena.

To validate their fears Deena continues to push for dumping Alex. Why would you give Heidi this information when her best friend is with Alex right now?

Alex comes back and he's high on caffeine. Sounding like Amber from The Bachelor, he says he brought back cookies for everyone in the tribe.

Butch gets bit by a dead fish by they never mention it again.

On Night 25 Rob says Deena told Heidi not to tell Jenna what they said about Alex. But naturally, Heidi went straight to Jenna who went to Alex who went to Rob. Alex wants Rob to target Deena after Matt.

Rob is playing both sides. "It's Deena versus Alex," he says, "and both think that they're calling the shots in this game."

"Get your hand off my breast!"

That night…we'll let Rob explain: "Heidi has been bitten by some insect and it has now reached the size of one of her breasts." I must also add how sexy Heidi's retainer is in the moonlight.

The next day Deena says, "We've decided and we've agreed if Matt wins Immunity, Alex must go. He's gone. Period. End of statement." End of humility.

Jeff at the Immunity Challenge: "You want food, today you're gettin' food."
Survivors: Loud cheers.
Butch: "There's a catch, guys."

You knew it was coming…the gross food challenge.

The first round is a large grasshopper and the first six to swallow it move on. Jenna nibbles hers like a cookie. Christy gags. Matt is way first done. Deena and Alex are next. Jenna quits. Christy is gagging something fierce. Rob and Butch advance so it's down to Christy or Heidi. Gaggy beats Swelly.

The next entrée is a plate of ten "coconut worms" and four will move into the next round. Matt pours the entire bowlful into his mouth. Deena, Alex and Butch finally join him.

Five winged beetles await and two eaters will make the final round. Matt is just an animal. He is the first one done yet again and Deena earns the right to join him.

The last lid is removed to reveal a large, living beetle larva. "Oh, you got to be kidding me!" Deena exclaims. "That is just nasty ass."

Jeff says go and Deena concedes, but it wouldn't have mattered. Matt swallows the whole thing in two seconds flat. Even Jeff is stunned and Rob says in a girlie voice, "This guy is crazy!"

Deena knows what's next. "Alex needed to win to save his heiney. Didn't happen. My ass really had to have been on the line today for me to have eaten that grotesque thing. Everybody is still with me. Why even try?"

Everybody? Jenna says, "She stabbed us all in the back and I'm so incredibly disappointed and shocked and I can't ever forgive that." She and Alex want Deena gone but they know Rob has power over Matt and Butch. "If Rob turns on us then we're screwed," Jenna whispers.

It finally happened. It was only a matter of time. Robfather 2 makes a mob reference. "The one person that's going to get hit tonight is going to be the person that least expects it."

Matt ate the fifth Beatle.

At Tribal Council Jeff asks about Heidi's knee. She is concerned because, "My strongest assets to this tribe are athletic ability and intelligence. [Pause for outrageous laughter.] And, hello? One of those is gone right now."

Jeff: "Which one?" All hail.

Matt says he's happy he has Immunity but, based on what he knows, it wasn't essential. But the question is, did he initiate sending this information along Butch's lifeline?

They vote. I say Alex and the girlies vote for Deena and everyone else votes for Alex.

Christy votes for Alex. Check. But can we stop the whispering? Jenna votes for Deena, and Deena votes for Alex. Check and check.

Alex says, "Deena, you couldn't even stick by your word for three days. I'd actually love to go against you in court any day because you are the worst liar I think I've ever met in my life." Right on track so far.

Jeff tallies and it goes, Deena, Deena, Alex, Alex, Deena…Deena? Uh oh. Deena again and she's gone! What just happened here?!

Where oh where do we begin? How about with the second member of the jury. Some will say Deena was dumb to target Alex so soon. Possibly, but if you think about her original post-switch alliance (Alex, Rob, Matt, Jenna, and tag-along Heidi), she would've been the odd person out anyway because of her age. This may have been her best chance to oust Alex. But the huge mistake was trusting Heidi to turn on Alex.

Why didn't she align with Rob, Matt, Butch and Christy? I think Deena was still caught up in the gender game. She wanted to make sure a man didn't win so she went for the alliance with the most females. Did Deena ironically lose because of the same traits she hated Roger for? Delicious.

Then there's Rob. Rob, Robby, Robert. He knew exactly what was going on. He knew he had to decide between Deena's group or Alex's. Why on earth would he leave Matt and Butch, where he has ALL the power, to join with Alex, Jenna and Heidi where he can finish no better than fourth? Alex is ten times stronger than him, the girls won't vote for each other, and BOTH of them like Alex more than Rob!

"I hate men. End of statement."

More irony as Rob--the biggest fan of the game and the person who most talked about strategy and heartless action--makes the classic blunder of letting emotion influence his decision. I maintain that Rob's fatal flaw is his jealousy of Dave. Winning is no longer enough for Rob. He must also win whom he perceives as Dave's womon. Rob still hasn't recovered from seeing Dave cuddling with Heidi. And he's blowing the game because of it.

However, unlike Deena, Rob gets one chance to redeem himself. If he quits staring at Heidi's chest long enough to smell the million dollars, he'll realign with Matt, Butch and Christy and pick off his greatest competition.

BUT the preview shows Rob joining them in sunbathing while the others do the work. S4 Maraamu all over again?

Who knows, this may be a CBS diversion and Rob may be playing us all for fools. If so I'll be the first to kneel before his genius. But I see a guy who now cares more about hanging out with the "cool" people instead of taking care of business. Richard Hatch would be disgusted.

Next Thursday is the recap episode. If you want to take a week off, we've got you covered here.

Now please excuse me while I go loathe Rob some more.

Your defender of logic,
Scott

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