Sorry for the delay. It's hard to type in sackcloth and ashes.

As always, Episode 13 begins with a recap of the previous 36 days. One line I can't believe I missed was when Jenna yelled at Rob for voting out Alex and he responded, "I'm sorry I tried to keep myself in a majority in a game where you vote people out." One of the all-time greats.

It's Night 36 and Rob is gloating over Heidi's departure. "These last couple days reminded me of a birthday card that had a really hot girl on front and inside it says, 'No matter how hot you think this girl is, somebody somewhere is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.'" So true. So very true.

Everyone says Jenna is going next, including Jenna herself. The next morning brings more wackiness.

Matt: "Butch, do a little dance."
Butch: "When I do that I embarrass my family."
Matt: "It doesn't matter. They'll expect it."
Butch: "Well first off, I start with the Egyptian." [funky Butch pose]
Rob: "When this game is over I think Butch is going to need to see a therapist."

Matt reaches out and touches someone.

Rob then adds, "If Matt is saying you're crazy, you are out of your frickin' mind!"

The first Immunity Challenge is a huge maze and it's pouring rain. The Survivors will have to track down necklaces representing Earth, Wind and Fire. Then is it off to the Boogie Wonderland?

To make things even tougher, they're blindfolded. Jenna starts by going chest-first into a stand. Good thing it wasn't Heidi or we could've had our second big explosion.

Matt gets the first necklace and Jenna is next. Then things get personal.

Jeff: "Matthew, trying to grope Jenna."
Jenna: "Quit copping a feel there, buddy."
Matt: "I finally got my opportunity!"
Jenna: *gasp* "Pervert!"

Rob jumps in front with his second necklace. Butch takes a turn with Jenna.

Jenna: "Oh!"
Butch: "Sorry."
Jenna: "Butch, you're married!"
Butch: "That's all right--I know! I couldn't help it."
Jenna: "I'm getting groped left and right here."

Which way will Jenna go?

Matthew and Jenna now also have their second necklaces. Jeff is having a great time watching them run into things. Excellent commentary by the big man.

Matt and Jenna are tied at three. Jenna gets number four and is one away from saving herself. And she gets it! Her third Immunity over all! Disgustingly impressive.

The power switches and Butch is the first to approach Jenna. Meanwhile, Matt and Rob are off talking. "If she's going to vote for you," Rob explains, "then me and you just vote for Butch, and Butch is going to vote for me, and Butch goes." Long pause. Matt: "Exactly." He's a bright one.

Butch is talking with Jenna about voting off Rob. The wheels are turning now. Matt is next to approach Jenna and he wants to go after Butch. Matt promises to take Jenna into the final two if she agrees to go along with him, and they shake on it. Is Matt being honest? "I will either honor that secret alliance or *sigh* do some backstabbing." Embrace the dagger, Matt.

Time for the first Tribal Council and Heidi looks like a streetwalker. You want some company tonight? Jeff asks everyone how they got this far. Butch says it's because he's stayed positive with everyone. Matt says, "I had a very multi-faceted strategy based on honesty and versatility." Is he playing Survivor or designing a family sedan?

They vote and Rob casts his for the fire-starter (twisted fire-starter). "I don't think all the firewood in the forest is going to keep your torch lit tonight buddy." Rob hasn't missed a TC prediction yet, but I get the feeling they're setting him up. Butch casts the first vote for his Robness.

The tally reads Butch, Rob…Butch again! I'm wrong and Rob is right. Bye bye Butch. He says he embodies the slogan on his banner. "Look at me. I made it to Survivor!" Butch beams.

Walk away like an Egyptian.

I'm curious why Jenna didn't orchestrate losing Matt at this point. He's stronger than the three of them combined. Will his strength be enough in the final challenge?

On Day 38 the final tree-mail is a scale. They look pale as they flail on the scale. There are no whales in this tale.

Speaking of sea creatures, Jeff shows up in camp and tells them they'll be taking a ride in a seaplane over the area. If this is replacing the "fallen comrades" funeral march I'm all for it.

Next they are instructed to each paint a headdress in the tradition of Amazonian warriors. Matt picks up a piece and asks, "What's this, like some sort of crotch protector?" Always taking the high road.

We hear Matt talking about throwing the final challenge. He thinks both of the others would choose him for the final. When the painting is done Matt says, "We look cool." Rob looks like Chef Boyardee. Maybe he's ravioli cool.

The next Immunity Challenge and Tribal Council will take place back to back. The Challenge is to stand on a narrow perch whole holding your headdress above your head. Matt is out first. Did he fall on purpose? Rob tries to take advantage. "Jenna, you want to make a deal? Jenna, step down. I'll take you." She isn't interested. "I think we should just right it out and take whoever we wanted to take." Things don't look good for Rob. He'd better win this.

Notice we don't get an elapsed time. I'm guessing they aren't up there for more than a couple minutes. Rob is leaning forward awkwardly. And he falls! Jenna is in the final two. Nooooo!

Jeff asks how she'll make her decision. "I think it's someone I think deserves it," she says. "Someone I think's worked hard. Also, like I said, the greatest competition at the end is important for me." She repeats, "I don't want someone I can beat." Add that to the list of Things Jenna Said That Don't Make Any Sense.

And her vote is for…Rob. This has to be a personal vote. Did she just give Matt the million? Does she continue the tradition of final Immunity winners coming in second (Brian was the only one to win)?

Who wants some spaghetti?

Matt and Jenna paint the names of the fourteen losers on the side of a box. Like it was their idea. None of them are even spelled wrong. But, again, this is much better than floating hats down the river in honor of people who haven't died.

Matthew then makes a confession. "I actually threw that final Immunity Challenge. I did fall off of the perch on purpose. I was convinced that whoever won would select me. It was a huge risk and it does reflect a lot of what I've learned from Rob because he really is a mastermind at this game." But how does that help him? Would the jury be less likely to vote for him if he wins all the challenges? Losing his balance doesn't somehow make him look a great guy.

Continuing his philosophical ways Matt says, "I should really go out and enjoy life more than I have, spend more time watching TV, versus how I've lead my life to date. For instance I could spend twenty hours on a weekend studying Swedish." Now that's a party! But seriously, I agree. Lots of TV = a quality life.

The Swede-lover brings their boat to shore and fills it with stuff from camp. Somewhere Ebay executives are crying. Matt pours kerosene on the boat and leans in to light in.

BOOM!!! The world's biggest fireball almost swallows Matt whole. It's even funnier in slow motion. Good, good times.

Rob talks about his decision as a jury member. "I think both of them have played this game dishonest. And both of them claim to be honest players who played this game with integrity. Loyalty is out the window at this point…. I wish there was a choice C--none of the above." Don't be bitter, Rob. You had any number of chances to vote Jenna out. You kept your girlie friends around and now it's either going to be one of them or your blockhead sidekick. Deal with it.

Heidi says she's voting for Jenna for sure. No surprise. Butch says he's voting for Matt for sure. Not a surprise either. Five votes left to fight for.

Final Tribal Council! In her opening statement Jenna plays the morality card. Matt takes the work angle and talks about his fishing and competitive spirit. Advantage: Matt.

Butch gets the first question. Watch out for that tree! A branch falls and barely misses Butch. The forest must be seeking revenge. Butch asks if either of them has lied in this game. Jenna says she lied to Deena. Matt says he lied to Roger and Alex. Advantage: Matt, since Alex was going to vote for Jenna anyway.

Rob asks why each person thinks the other person should not be there. Matthew says Jenna's lack of work. Can't argue with that. Jenna says Matt tagged along in an alliance, he doesn't need the money and he doesn't care about the people there. Advantage: Big time Matt since his was true.

Alex asks the one-regret question. Jenna says trusting people as much as she did. Matt also says naïveté and cites his siding with Ryan at the very beginning. Advantage: Jenna for saying it first.

Heidi asks who among the jury members deserves to be there more than them. Matt says Rob due to his strategy. Good suck-up for his vote. Jenna also says Rob! Too funny since you know what Heidi is fishing for. She stutters, "I mean, just, I think that, if that's the only person…" Rob covers his eyes in embarrassment. Awkward silence. Jeff saves her with, "I think that covers it." One last time for Heidi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Deena calls out Jenna for saying Matt doesn't need the money. I agree it's a bogus reason for voting either way. She then confronts Matt for saying "may the best man win" right before they voted out Heidi. He gives a great answer saying he regrets it and he's glad she pointed that out because it shows he was overconfident at the time.

Hats of a feather perch together.

But here's the thing: HE NEVER SAID THAT. Here's the quote from last week: "If and when we get down to the final three it'll be every man for himself." Remember, Jeff was asking if he thought he'd have to turn on his alliance at any point. Matt was just acknowledging he was aligned with Butch and Rob instead of Heidi and Jenna which was obvious to everyone. Also notice the "if" at the very beginning of the sentence. Way to twist the facts, Lawyer Deena, to promote your man-hating cause.

Christy asks Matt what he thought about competing against a deaf person. He says he didn't think anything of it and at first just thought she had a "funky accent." Christy then nails Jenna for her very insensitive comment at a previous Council: "I found it very fascinating when you said that you've got a handicap because you're beautiful." Ler 'er have it. Major advantage: Matt.

Dave asks something about world leaders. There's always got to be one goofball. Matt says Colin Powell, Jenna says her parents. Moving on.

In his closing statement Matt admits he's lied and he now feels he doesn't have the integrity that he's preached. Brilliant answer if you ask me. He's giving the jury what they want to hear. Jenna again defends her work either. Terrible answer. She's continuing to repeat something everyone knows isn't true.

I think Matt gets…Butch, Rob, Christy, Deena and Dave and wins going away. Only airhead Heidi and jealous Alex vote for Jenna.

We see Butch and Heidi cast the votes they promised before Tribal Council even began. But then Rob steps up and things head south. If you were paying attention you could see the last half of the name through the paper as he held it up, and it sure didn't look like ATT or HEW.

Remember when they first did the live final and Jeff gets in a helicopter and supposedly flies across the ocean to New York? Well this was a thousand times worse. He says good-bye to the castaways and jumps on a jet ski. Just out to a ship, right? Nope. A plane. Nuh uh. He's going to jet ski all the way to the U.S.

And he's getting into it. Jumpin' waves. Makin' cool faces. It's X Games Jeff. He makes a stop at the Statue of Liberty then takes a subway and walks into Dave Letterman's theater. Nice plug.

Whoa! Who's that stud sitting next to Jenna? Matt is looking really good. He was a big hit with the ladies at our viewing party. Jeff asks each of them how many votes they think they got. Matt says only two: Butch and Christy. Jenna says only Alex and Heidi voted for her.

One of them will be really close.

The count begins. Matt. Jenna. Jenna again. Jenna yet again! This is not good.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

THIS is your Sole Survivor??

He only got ONE vote? Are you absolutely kidding me?! Jeff agrees. "How…did…this…happen?! How did a spoiled, 21-year-old swimsuit model get all six of these votes?… Biggest blowout in Survivor history!"

I am completely stunned. I still don't believe it, but having had some time to think about it, this is the best I can come up with:

Alex and Heidi were givens. Deena 100% hates all things male. And the other two young guys, Dave and Rob, voted against Matt because they feel superior to him and loathe the fact that he was up there instead of them.

How interesting is it that we've spent 13 weeks laughing at the women for their pettiness, then in the end it's the men who can't get over their jealousy of one of their own? It's a crying shame.

And Christy? I will never ever understand that one. We'll see what she says about it in the reunion show. Stay tuned!

Your sad, sad friend,
Scott

Email us! Survivor@DangFun.com
Back to the Survivor 6 Index
Dang Fun Home