So it begins again with 90 minutes of goodness. Survivor is back to take over our lives. Welcome back, old friend. What will be different about this particular season? check out this from TVGuide.com:

As for the same-gender tribes, (Producter Mark) Burnett says it heightened the sexual tension during challenges and reduced inhibitions at camp. "This series brings more sexy moments than ever in the past," he says.

The sexiest Survivor ever? We shall see.

The new cast cruises down the Amazon River. Is that a riverboat? Big wheel keep on turnin', Proud Mary keep on burnin'?

"Shove off!"

Then the requisite shots of local wildlife. Can I just say my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun? And can I get a musical reference into every paragraph?

Jeff calls them one by one to split into tribes. Jeanne is pronounced "Jean"? Why the extra letters? Is she French?

Yep, he names the eight women first. It'll be boys against girls. "It's an all-chick thing," Deena says. "We can let our hair down; we can pee in front of each other." If that's what Burnett means by sexy moments, I'll pass.

It's funny how people look so different from their site photos. Shawna for example did not have wildly frizzy hair.

The trash-talking starts early for the men. Daniel says, "There's no way women are going to beat us at anything…. We're never gonna go to Tribal Council."

We get our first close-up of Jenna. I knew she was a model, but MAN she's scrawny. Those shoulders could put somebody's eye out. If she loses the typical amount of Survivor weight, she'll completely disappear.

Jeff tells the story of the Amazon female warriors. Ah, sweet symbolism.

The woman tribe is Jaburu (jah-buh-ROO) and the men are Tambaqui (TOM-buh-kee). Jeff says to shove off and Shawna can't untie the boat's knot. Great start for the ladies.

Ryan says an all-male tribe hurts his strategy. "It's all one big sausagefest," he complains. Jenna is also worried because she can't use her "womanly powers" on the men. Both models were relying on their looks to get by? I'm stunned!

The women build…something.

Dave gives a little pep talk/sermon. "We're the favorites right now," he says. They unpack their "meager supplies" and find fish hooks, lanterns and kerosene. Why not just give them a microwave?

Everybody also gets his own machete and Rob is especially pleased. "My parents would never let me have a machete!"

Back at Jaburu, Christy announces that she's deaf. She can talk just fine, and she reads lips, but she needs people to look directly at her and speak a little slower. As expected, the others are concerned. "I don't know how it's going to work out," Jenna says. I have no doubts in Christy's abilities. I just don't think the others are going to want to take the tiny extra time to communicate with her.

Over at Tambaqui, Butch says, "No one wants to be the leader because that's the first guy that gets voted off," as he gives directions to everyone else. Rob calls Butch a sharp redneck and says, "I like Butch a lot."

Roger also starts giving orders. Don't people watch the show??

Flint is also included in the care package (what, no lighter?) and the men wisely use kerosene and start a fire in record time. The women on the other hand just try to ignite wood and it's not working. Deena calls a team meeting and Heidi notes her "bossy side." I think her chin is the bossy side.

The ladies bust out their machetes as well and do some crazy chopping. Look out, somebody's going to lose a limb!

That night Butch gives his principal talk and unveils his "Believe In Yourself" banner. Oh man. I don't even think that kind of stuff works on fourth graders.

Rob delivers some more trash on the women: "I don't think any of them had any idea they'd be doing this on estrogen alone over there and, uh, camping the vagina monologue." Huh?

We're told it takes the women five or six hours to start the fire and by then night has fallen. They see their first tarantula. Whoever becomes the bug killer will rule the tribe.

"Mmm…is the underwear done?"

They talk about the men checking out Heidi and her "hooters." Christy isn't able to read lips at night. "I'm missing out on a lot of information," she sadly says. I'm pulling for her though. I hope they give her a chance.

On Day 2 another tarantula appears. They finally kill it and PETA begins assembling their forces.

The women all go to the boat and leave Christy behind. This is going to be really tough.

The Tambaquiites are at work building a shelter and Roger continues to give orders. He notices the "kids" Ryan and Dan aren't working. "They're digging their own grave," he says. "They've already dug it."

They build an actual structure. It's very impressive. Somewhere S4 Kathy weeps. "I'm relatively sure Home and Garden's going to come shoot us later," Alex says. I think he means film, not execute.

Man, Matthew has huge nipples.

Rob won't lay off on the women. "I see them all crying, panicking, trying to build cell phones so they can call their boyfriends." He is playing to the camera big time.

But to prove Rob's point, the women are building…wood art? I have no idea what they're trying to do. "It's embarrassing I think," Jeanne tells us. "Down right embarrassing."

Some of the younger ones boil water for…their underwear? Jenna explains, "Things can live on you, especially in that area, because it's dark!" The model isn't too bright? I'm stunned! Gee, I wonder who has the tiger-striped panties.

And there you go. Jenna is wearing her matching tiger-skin bikini top.

Heidi is a flying fox.

Janet, the oldest member of the tribe, is sick. "I didn't realize how tough it was physically." Does anyone watch the show?!?

Speaking of bikinis, I give you Heidi, the Survivor 6 Boob Queen. Huzzah!

Rob breaks out his luxury item, the Magic 8 Ball. He says it cannot be used to see if they're going to win challenges. But it can be used to ask about hooking up with the girls. Roget is not amused.

Rob: "That girl Heidi, she is so hot. She could put Viagra out of business." He says the 8 Ball channels the jungle spirits. Did I not nail it by calling him a combination of S1 Greg the coco-nut and the Robfather?

JoAnna and Jeanne go fishing and they catch something with a hard shell. They decide to use it as bait. But first they have to retrieve their paddles. Ted would be proud.

They catch a fish but it's smaller than they one they used as bait! They decide to eat it anyway and Heidi says, "Jeanne had brought--it's actually massage oil--but it's an edible oil, which is even funnier."

The wee fish just turns to goo. "I feel like I'm eating vomit," Shawna says. "Or some snot." I think pegging her as Coleen was pretty accurate too. I'm giddy!

Day three brings the first tree-mail, apparently delivered by a scarecrow. Deena predicts, "Overall the men will probably dominate." Go team spirit! Jenna says Heidi should flash the men to get them off balance. Now that could be one of the sexy moments.

Before the Immunity Challenge Jeff asks if the men caught any fish. Dan says "definitely." Ha ha-the poor Immunity Idol looks frightened.

Jeffy says the challenge is "a doozy." It's a long obstacle course and the tribes start chained together. A group of four has to solve a puzzle, then they go over a balance beam in pairs, and a group of two solves another puzzle. One person goes down a zip line, and the whole group races to the finish.

I know my challenge descriptions are mediocre at best, so go to the official web site if you missed it. It's a weekly must for big fans of the show. In addition to the new pictures each week, you get video clips that weren't in the episode. The highlights this week are the challenge, and Rob talking about his master plan. Check it out on cbs.com!

Jeff lowers his arm and they're off. "You're dead even through the tough nut. Grab your stick and retrieve the key!" Quit talking dirty, Jeff.

"Look! Our egos getting crushed!"

The women completely stink at the puzzle and the men take a huge lead. But then the balance beam strikes. Why are some of them dragging themselves over it? You don't want to get splinters in that area, because it's dark!

Ryan and Daniel keep falling off and having to start over. "Guys! You're blowing your lead!" Jeff continues to be my hero.

Dan's foot touches the ground yet again as the women reach the beam. The lighter ladies hold each other for balance and pass then men. Are you kidding??

JoAnna and Jeanne dominate on the puzzle, and Dave and Rob don't. "C'mon guys, we've got a rocket scientist and a computer guy stuck on a puzzle!" The Probst!

Heidi does the "flying fox" and the ratings soar.

The women win!!! That was a monumental collapse. And you can't say it was rigged in any way. A simple balance beam? Unreal. Now I know why Daniel didn't get picked for Tough Enough. Jeff lets 'em have it. "You just blew it. Despite your predictions, you're going to Tribal Council tonight." He's loving this.

Back at camp, Butch says, "I think we went into it maybe a little cocky." Maybe? A little? "Today I think you had eight guys believe in themselves a little too much." Somewhere the fourth graders chuckle.

Dave calls a meeting and oddly enough is upset not because they lost the challenge, but because some of them lied about catching fish. "Don't bring me down with your bull$#!&. I've got character and integrity." Will this blow up in his face? "Who does he think he is?" Dan asks. Rob says he's glad Dave won't lie because he himself plans to.

Now the pacts start forming. Roger talks to Dave about voting off Ryan. Dave tells us he wants Dan off instead. Ryan goes to Matthew and Dan, and then Rob to target Roger.

Roger tells Butch and Rob that "Alex, Matthew, David and myself" want Dan and Ryan gone. Rob has 3-D nipples if you're keeping score at home.

Schemin' Rob: "I've told them both I will do what they want." Is he putting himself on thin ice already? "It's Roger versus Ryan. I'm just going to see how it plays out."

At Tribal Council, Jeff asks about the humbling defeat. Roger says, "They actually beat us on the physical side. That was a shock." Jeff retorts, "No, they beat you all the way around." Word!

He then calls out Dan for his prediction of going undefeated. "I blew it," he admits. "It was my fault. I'm the reason why we're here."

No 3-D glasses needed.

Jeff turns the talk toward the women. "Anybody stand out?" Ryan says, "I think every one of those girls has a unique quality." JP just laughs at him. Is that how they talk in male beauty pageants?

Dan says Shawna is hot. Dave agrees but he backs up Ryan: "The quarterback doesn't screw the cheerleaders at half time." But what happens when the cheerleaders are winning the game?

Alex also jumps on the Shawna bandwagon. Interesting. The friz must be in this year. I'm on board with Rob: "I think that Heidi is the hottest."

Jeff tears into them again: "You know what's great? You came out from Day 1 talking more trash than I've ever heard, ever, you got your asses kicked, and yet when we get to women it's like, 'Ah, who cares? I wanna hook up!' That's why you guys could be really in serious trouble."

Matthew and Ryan vote for Roger. "My advice to you is, don't hunt what you can't kill," Ryan says. Just stick to the hair gel, tough guy.

Butch votes for Ryan and Dave votes for Dan. Will this third party split the vote?

The votes are read: Ryan, Roger, Dan, Ryan, Roger, Ryan, Roger. It's 3 to 3. Another vote for anybody by Ryan or Roger and we'll have a tie.

But it's Ryan! He is by far the youngest person ever voted off first. But when you have a tribe full of strength, attitude and effort are all that matter. He talks about his "journey" and this experience changing his life. He was only there three days!

So Rob ultimately sided with the older guys and Dave appears to be on the outside. "This is clearly a tribe divided," Jeff says and he does each season.

Next week: The rains come and the men's shelter proves valuable while the women get soaked. To make matters worse for Jaburu, "A shocking discovery threatens to split the tribe." We hear one voice say, "There's something there that shouldn't be there," as they look into the food barrel. "Somebody just needs to fess up," another voice says. Do we have Beangate 2? Highlight between the asterisks if you can't wait to find out.

*The official site says they find a granola bar and wonder who smuggled it in and hasn't been sharing. I was wrong--it's Jerkygate 2!*

So how do things look after the first three days? Daniel is obviously in hot water, and Matthew would be smart to separate from him. For the women, take your pick. Janet is weak, Deena is bossy, and they're uncomfortable with Christy. Lots of subplots to watch and we just started!

It's great to be back!

Your Amazonian associate,
Scott

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