Survivor is back! Season 5: Thailand begins this week, on Thursday, September 19, 2002. Same time, same channel, new people to laugh at. So let's begin, shall we?

It is time for one of my favorite Survivor exercises: Judging a book by its cover. CBS was kind enough to give us a video preview of each castaway so we can judge them in their own words too. The clips are on cbs.com if you want to play along.

Here is the Survivor: Thailand cast, in alphabetical order, ladies first:

Erin
Survivor Heritage: Sarah, Kelly
Luxury Item: Body paint
Quote: "I'm usually one of the ones out of my group that is the entertainer, kind of the funny one."
Comments: Erin is a real estate agent from Texas and this season's bikini girl. She'll bounce her way to the top of the (male) popularity polls but quickly float off the island. Dang Fun Rating: She'll sink before she wins.

Ghandia
Survivor Heritage: Linda, Stacey
Luxury Item: Key chain with picture of kids
Quotes: "Basically I'm representin' for big girls." "This experience is an opportunity for me to have a really rich and fulfilling experience."
Comments: Ghandia is a legal secretary from Colorado. She seems more savvy than Linda so she won't insult anybody's mama. How long she lasts depends and how she handles the challenges.
Dang Fun Rating: It might take a hunger strike, but Ghandia could prevail.

Helen
Survivor Heritage: Zoe, Susan
Luxury Item: Daughter's doll
Quotes: "What you see is what you get." "My problem is if you ask me a question I'm going to give you my opinion."
Comments: Helen is very American. She is a Navy Swim Instructor, she has lived in 7 states, and she apparently has George Washington's teeth. Hopefully she'll get in one good fight before she gets the boot.
Dang Fun Rating: I cannot tell a lie. It doesn't look good.

Jan
Survivor Heritage:Sonja, Maralyn
Luxury Item: Picture of family
Quote: "I think I have a lot going for myself in this game because I do get along with all ages and all personalities."
Comments: That's quite an accent you got there. This teacher grew up in Texas but lives in Florida. She is the oldest woman on the planet with pigtails.
Dang Fun Rating: She'll win when pigtails fly.

Penny
Survivor Heritage: Kim P., Gina
Luxury Item: Pajamas
Quote: "I would describe myself as very honest. I'm a very loyal person."
Comments: Penny peddles pharmaceuticals in Plano, TX. She is peppy with pretty pearly whites. Are her pajamas pink?
Dang Fun Rating: Perhaps completing a pact with punks would prolong her appearance. Probably not.

Shii Ann
Survivor Heritage: Tammy, Alicia
Luxury Item: Lucky traveling bag from China
Quotes: "My nickname is 'She Devil'…because, well, frankly wherever I am, trouble ensues." "My goal here is to be as adaptive as possible…and make it to the finals."
Comments: Shii Ann, an executive recruiter (huh?) from New York, will be smart enough to form an alliance. If Shii picks a good one, Shii could go far. Beware of arrogance getting in Shii's way.
Dang Fun Rating: Ii thiink she has a chance to wiin.

Stephanie
Survivor Heritage: Lindsey, Jerri
Luxury Item: Fuzzy slippers
Quote: "Some people call me an exhibitionist."
Comments: Stephanie is a friendly firefighter from faraway Fayetteville, AR, with fuzzy slippers (are they doing this on purpose?). If in the same tribe, look for her to get jealous of Erin's popularity with the menfolk. Guys will want Erin in Playboy but Stephanie will do it.
Dang Fun Rating: At least she could be the first Survivor to put out her own torch.

Tanya
Survivor Heritage: Colleen, Neleh
Luxury Item: Brush
Quote: "I'm very naïve sometimes about stuff. I tend to trust people too much….That could be a disadvantage."
Comments: Tanya is tan and from Tennessee (OK, I'll stop). She is a social worker and she looks like a bobblehead doll when she talks.
Dang Fun Rating: She should make the merge but-Oh my heck!-she'll need a Pappy to last after that.

Brian
Survivor Heritage: Jeff, Rob
Luxury Item: Guitar
Quotes: "I enjoy the money. I enjoy money in life, and I enjoy the games in obtaining money." "I will be the fastest, swiftest shark if need be. I hope it doesn't have to resort to that because I'm one of the best if it does."
Comments: If you haven't heard, this used car salesman from California has appeared in pornographic films. He was also seen on "Baywatch Nights" which might be worse. I hope Brian lasts a long time (ahem) because I can make porn jokes until the erotic cows come home.
Dang Fun Rating: NC-17

Clay
Survivor Heritage: Tom, Rodger
Luxury Item: Golf club and ball
Quotes: "I think this cooking's gonna be a little different. I'm not a wildlife chef, believe me." "I got a big-ass heart."
Comments: Clay owns and runs a restaurant in Louisiana. If he and Jan attempt to have a conversation, they're going to need subtitles. And remember: If you can't be a wildlife chef, you'd better have a big-ass heart.
Dang Fun Rating: Fat (ass) chance.

Jake
Survivor Heritage: Richard, Carl
Luxury Item: Journal and pen
Quote: "I persuade people to do what they don't want to do…. And sometimes they don't even know that I want them to do it. It just becomes their idea."
Comments: At 61 Jake is the oldest Survivor but he looks like he could whup Brian and Clay put together. I think this land broker from Texas could become the oldest millionaire yet.
Dang Fun Rating: Will Jake become the next Snake that eats the rat?

Jed
Survivor Heritage: Dirk, Colby
Luxury Item: Frisbee
Quote: "I live by the philosophy of: God has made each day, and so I live to please him and try to live up to the standards of a good Christian.
Comments: Jed is a dental student from Texas. His tribe may drill him because of his beliefs. They may sink their teeth into him if he lies. They may floss this believer in the Cross.
Dang Fun Rating: Two openly religious winners in a row? He hasn't got a prayer.

John
Survivor Heritage: Michael, Jed
Luxury Item: Christian flag
Quote: "Well you know the Bible says… that your word is your bond. At the same time, I gave my word to Mark Burnett that I would try to win this game and follow the rules. And the rules are: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast, and those are the three rules I'll follow. Any other rules that somebody else puts on the game, they're putting it on the game. Those aren't the rules to the game."
Comments: The pastor from Louisiana appears to be addressing the hypocrisy claims up front. It's an interesting strategy and I like his attitude.
Dang Fun Rating: Good Heavens! He has a better chance than Jed.

Ken
Survivor Heritage: Hunter, Joel
Luxury Item: NYPD Shield
Quote: "I do personal training…after that I head straight to work as a police officer…and then usually the next day I'll do construction, and it pretty much rotates around the clock."
Comments: Leave it to CBS to suck up to America with a firefighter and cop on the same show. And not just any cop: an NYPD blue. You knew it was coming. Oh, and Survivor Lorisa thinks he's a vampire.
Dang Fun Rating: I vant to think he vill be too much of a treat to vin. (But if Burnett rigs it, this is your guy.)

Robb
Survivor Heritage: Gabriel, Silas
Luxury Item: Skateboard
Quotes: "I'm a pretty chipper person, pretty happy, pretty hopeful about everything even in the worse of situations, and I'm full of love." "I'm girl-crazy….Girls are a huge part of my life."
Comments: If you only watch one video preview, you want to see this one. This bartender from Arizona sounds nothing like he looks. He has a bandana, a pierced lip…and tattoos for his mama that say "hope" and "love." And, come on, a skateboard on an island?
Dang Fun Rating: I hope he loves his short stay.

Ted
Survivor Heritage: Sean R., Nick
Luxury Item: Shaving kit
Quotes: "Working in corporate America you do have to adapt to changes almost immediately." "Anything that I could do to uplift the African-American community or the communities as a whole, I'm game for."
Comments: I was shocked when I saw they had a black man with a non-athletic profession-Ted is a Software Developer from North Carolina. But then I see he briefly played for the Dallas Cowboys. Naturally.
Dang Fun Rating: He probably won't score a touchdown but he may kick a field goal.

General thoughts:

Another interesting group! One thing that jumps out--there are no age extremes. There are no Rodger or Rudy types (Jan and Jake are the only two over 50 and Jake doesn't count) and no Elisabeths or Nelehs (Jed and Robb are the only ones under 26). CBS must be narrowing down the demograhics.

There is also a heavy southern tilt to the cast. There are 10 survivors from southern states and 4 are from Texas alone. Yee haw.

You may have noticed there are no tribes as of yet. This has to do with the "shocking twist" that will start the game. Anything that prevents another disaster tribe like Maraamu is fine with me.

If you're trying to pick a winner, remember: Richard, Tina, and Vecepia won while Joel, Colby, and Hunter lost. Don't get caught up in who's the strongest. The questions is: Who will be smart enough to make the right alliance and adapt to the rule changes?

I can't wait to find out.

Your Survivor Buddy is back!

-Scott