My fellow mockers,

Not a shocking episode, but a fun one nonetheless. The strain of the game is starting to get to the Survivors and people's true colors are coming out. Let us take a peek into the spectrum of stupidity!

It's Night 24 and Chuay Ghan again waits up for Sook Jai to come back from Tribal Council. CG feels so good about themselves they start to taunt the SJ members. Helen does her impression of Penny with a high-pitched voice. Jan cackles something about a cheerleader. Brian plays the role of Ken and says, "Well, uh, uh, Jeff, how's my hair look? By the way, Jeff, by the way, I just want to make sure everyone knows I am a New York police officer, one of the finest. You won't believe that, uh, when you put on a uniform you get all kinds of bitches. Yo yo yo yo!" WOW. There's some legitimate spite in the air. This is an excellent look into the true minds of these individuals. I like it!

How can they leave Ted alone with the boat again?

Then, of course, when Sook Jai returns everyone goes back to being sweet and kind. Penny says Erin "was like a sister to me, still is." We've got an island full of duplicitous demons. I'm excited! The race to the finish should be a lot of fun.

On Day 25 Jake goes on and on about his many adventures. He once shot a deer with a bow and arrow; he once broke an ankle while skydiving; he once killed a bear when he was three--oh wait, that's Davey Crockett. Chuay Ghan doesn't buy it one bit.

That night Clay asks, "Does anyone miss their family?" We call this foreshadowing. Helen starts singing Elvis' "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" in hopes to make Clay cry. Helen's voice about made me cry. The best part was the piping in of background music. It's Survivor karaoke!

On Day 26 they do indeed get the videos from home. We see Jake's wife, Brian's wife and infant son, Jan's three kids, Clay's daughter and wife, Helen's husband and daughter, Ken's mom and brother, Penny's fiancé and friends, and Ted's wife and daughter. Everyone acts normally except for Helen who completely freaks out. She may be on orders not to cry but apparently it's cool to act like a loon. The other odd part was learning that Ted's baby was born just two days before he left. I don't know if I could leave my first child and recovering wife to prance around the jungle for a month. Ted's wife is a very understanding woman (although, she has to be after the whole Ghandia thing. Yikes).

Next is the Reward Challenge where the winner gets to see more video. The tribes finally merge and get new gold buffs. I'm sorry, I mean Buffs®. The Challenge is a complex obstacle course involving a wicker ball. They must have hired a staff of engineers and carpenters this season. Fine work on coming up with new challenges!

I wouldn't leave Ted alone with the machete either.

The castaways are randomly paired, and the winning couple will face each other for the Reward. Jake and Jan (how do they always get stuck together?) race Clay and Ken with David and Goliath winning. Brian and Helen then easily defeat Penny and Ted as Ted acts like a deranged ninja with the machete. In the final, HelBri blow ClayKen away.

The final final is a puzzle where you have to stack different-sized ball clusters to form a pyramid. Both have trouble at first by Brian figures it out and wins more greetings from home.

Everybody sits down and Brian says, "If my wife does anything embarrassing, I apologize. She's a little crazy." Truer words were never spoken. Mrs. Brian proceeds to shake her thang like a professional, much to the delight of Clay. "She's a fox, I'm gonna tell ya" he tells us. "She's a fine looking woman." Is it any surprise the porn star's wife dances like a stripper? What does CC stand for? Candi Cane? Christi Cantaloupes?

Brian is also concerned because the rest of the group saw his nice house, his lovely white piano, and his two big cars. Helen later comments that it doesn't look like Brian needs the money. Could this come back to haunt him?

No Cholesterol? High Fiber Diet? EKG?

The merged tribe, Chuay Jai, returns to camp. If Sook Jai means "happy heart" and Chuay Ghan means "to help one another," does Chuay Jai mean "to help your heart"? Is the new tribe name Thai for "lower your cholesterol"?

Helen and Penny talk recipes which drives Ted away. He jumps in the boat for some "me time." The way the back end of the boat was sinking into the water it was almost "me drowning time." Penny says Ted doesn't fit into the group as much as he thinks he does.

Clay uses Ted's absence as a chance to approach Brian about a two-person alliance to the end. Brian again just listens and doesn't agree to anything. Brian is playing very well, in spite of his wife's attempts to torpedo his chances.

The scheming continues as Jake approaches Clay. Clay says people are looking to get rid of Ted. I don't buy this one bit. Remember how badly Clay duped Shii Ann? Clay obviously has no problems with lying, which will help him…until someone busts him on it.

Don't run with the Immunity Necklace!

The Immunity Challenge is for an ugly--not to mention dangerous--necklace. The Challenge is yet another extravagant game. I love these! For the first part, the players have 30 seconds to memorize the Thai symbols for the numbers 1 through 9. Only Ken, Clay and Penny get the first question right. Ken and Clay get the second question right, and when Penny guesses incorrectly she has to watch the two teammates from the Reward Challenge do battle for Immunity.

There is a big grid of buried disks. On the first disk is a Thai number that represents how many mounds they have to travel, followed by the direction they have to go. The first person to correctly uncover all 10 discs wins.

And it's not even close. CLAY dominates. He takes a 7-2 lead on his way to a 10-4 victory. Who the heck predicted that? David slew the giant yet again.

Back on the home beach Ted says they're going to vote off strength, which is smart. Ken knows it too. Jake says, "We gotta create some doubt here." Ken replies, "Basically we gotta bring one over or we're screwed." They target Brian and try to get Clay to vote with them. Why Clay? The smart move would've been to target the women against the chauvinistic men. Can they make Clay an offer he can't refuse?

They prepare to leave for Tribal Council and Jan puts on this strange robe that hasn't been seen till now. "I hate this 'clavage' leaking out," she explains. No joke needed.

At Council Ted explains his sudden boating trip was because he was missing his baby daughter. Nice move by the big fella. They can't fault him for that.

Brian says the vote will be based on work ethic. Riiight. No votes are shown, so it has to be Ken, right? But wait, the first 3 votes are for Ted. Overthrow? Nope, just Mark Burnett trying to inject some drama into an obvious situation. Ken gets the next five votes and he's gone.

Take one last look, ladies. And send cookies!

In his final words the cop says, "If, uh, anybody feels sorry for me, you know, that I got kicked off, you know, chocolate chip cookies, ladies, I love them. It's my favorite sweet thing." I'm sure he'll be getting all the cookies he can handle from single ladies in NYC.

Next time on Survivor: Ted gets mad about his three votes. Clay says, "Ted doesn't know we instigated those three votes for him and, uh, he won't." Will Ted go Lex on somebody? There will also be a huge reward involving elephants and a feast. Definitely the kind of reward that could cause jealously. I like it a lot.

What do Jake and Penny do now? Just soak in the sun and accept their fate? Not at all. They've still got a shot if they can pit Helen and Jan against the Chuay Ghan men. Jake was right there when Brian gave his cave man speech about the women doing all the work. Jan's probably too soft to take a stand, but he might be able to get Helen riled up, especially with Penny's help. This move would also be in Helen and Jan's best interest. It should be clear that the three men are together. So if they just pick off Sook Jai, the best they can do is fourth place. If they band with the SJ refuges however, the worst they can do is fourth, and they have an even shot at going all the way. Go for it, Jake, and think about it, Helen!

I think we're going to enjoy the stretch run. There are a lot of devious individuals left who aren't afraid to do some mocking. Let's hope for some stabbin' and fightin'!

May your spouse not show her clavage to a national audience,
Scott

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