Day 4 begins with a snoring Clay in Chuay Ghan Cave. If it's true that bats have a strong sense of hearing I really feel sorry for them.

Jan and Helen go off in the canoe to get water. They don't need the map because Helen works for the United States Military. They get lost in about 5 minutes.

Back at camp, Clay gets out his golf club and they design a 3-hole golf course. He and Ted are becoming the best of friends. Get those scripts ready now for the Extremely Odd Couple.

Helen and Jan are still lost and Jan is too tired to do much paddling. An irritated Helen gives us the murder/suicide preview quote from last week and finishes with, "That's why I don't carry a gun." I'm guessing Helen won't be working for Hallmark any time soon.

Over at Sook Jai, the majority of the group is still working on the shelter and Stephanie has joined Jed in not working on the shelter. Ken is not a Jed fan: "If I was in his place I would wanna try to help as much as possible knowing that I've stood out so much. It's one thing to be lazy, but to be freakin' lazy is another thing." If Jed continues he'll end up oh-my-wow-are-you-flippin'-kidding-me lazy and then he'll be in big trouble.

"Go ahead, Helen, I'll stay here."

Back to the Adventures of Helen and Jan--they finally find their water hole! But Jan decides to float on her back while Helen drags a full jug through the jungle. If Jan's not careful, Helen will just build a gun out of sticks and mud. Luckily for Jan, she's only at yeah-it's-ok-she's-just-old lazy.

Sook Jai decides to take a break from shelter-building to search for food. But Jed doesn't want to do that either. His decisions are starting to just look like excuses to sit around. He's one Godfather reference away from becoming Rob of S4.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Erin's boobs.

The group returns with food but Jed, Stephanie and Robb don't want any. Then the three of them decide to sleep separately. What happened to Show Me Your Hands Robb, Lord of Shelter Construction? As they settle down on the beach he dooms them with: "I think it's gonna be a nice clear night, dude."

Making Murphy (the guy with the law) proud, it soon begins pouring. Robb and Jed smartly return to the shelter, but Stephanie stays in the rain. I guess this makes her tough. It also makes her sick. Not bright.

The sun rises over Chuay Ghan on Day 5. Brian plays guitar and Ken sings about food. A monkey comes and laughs at them.

"Let them go ahead, Steph, we'll stay here."

The group finds out it's Helen's 20th anniversary. I'm not sure what surprised them more, that someone put up with Helen for 20 years, or that she does have a emotion besides anger. In a sweet gesture they make a flower crown and plan to surprise her with it that night.

Tree (stump?) mail arrives and we have our first reward challenge. It will involve blindfolds and Ghandia tries to prepare strategy for Chuay Ghan: "I think it would be good to distract the other team with my cleavage. And if need be it's easy access in case I have to pull the boobs out to distract the guys on the other side." Tanya reminds her that the other team will be blindfolded and Ghandia says, "They gonna KNOW!" As awkward as it might be, I think her tribe would rather have her butt naked than attempting another puzzle.

The challenge is a variation of the game where one person yells out directions to the blindfolded rest of the group. This time the blind ones carry the yeller in a Palanquin (yes, I had to look that word up).

Penny and Tanya are chosen to be the guides and hilarity ensues as they have absolutely no regard for their carriers' well-being. Jake especially takes a beating, leading to this exchange:

Jake: "You just ran me into that tree!"
Penny: "Sorry ok go pick up go left!" (Lack of punctuation due to lack of concern.)

Searching for Jake's next bruise.

Jake: "I'm in a tree!"
(Later)
Jake: "I'm going to hit a tree here!"
Penny: "No you're not."
Jake: "Yes I am!"
Penny: "No you're not pick up pick up!"

The final blow is Penny yelling for a quick right turn which about kills her whole team. And, yes, Jake is on the right so he takes the biggest spill. But they recover in time to beat the tuckered out old folks and bring home the lanterns and fishing supplies.

That night Chuay Ghan tries to cheer itself up with a celebration for Helen. They sing the worst anniversary song ever and present their crown of flowers. Helen speaks in this high-pitched squeal of a voice which must mean she's happy. She says she was very surprised. "I was feeling paranoid all day because I could tell they were keeping me out of things and deliberately like going off without me, and I was getting really nervous that maybe they were going to vote me off." If Helen ever does get that gun, don't throw her a surprise party or you may be the one who gets surprised.

Tanya is still sick and won't eat any seafood. If you're on an island and you can't eat anything that comes out of the ocean, you're in tough shape.

The family of failure.

Day 6 and we're still with the lovable losers. They go for a walk and find dead squid on the beach. They decide it would be good to eat these fly-covered delicacies. Helen tells everyone she knows exactly how to prepare rotting carcasses that you pick up off the ground. Clay is not impressed. "Helen, everything's serious, serious. I mean, there's no play to her. She's supposed to be some kind of marine expert. She's kind of got the personality of an encyclopedia. You open it up, there ain't nothing in there fun to read. You only open it when you need information." I like Wee Clay.

The second Immunity Challenge is a floating puzzle. You know Ghandia's already scared. Ain't no cleavage going to help her now. The Survivors have to swim out one at a time to gather the pieces. The big trick is diving down about 10 feet to unhook them.

The tribes are even until the inevitable Chewy Gone blunder. Jan has a lot of trouble with her piece and the youngsters take the lead. They eventually get so far ahead that Penny can miss her hook by diving too far, give up, and have someone else unhook it for her, and they still lead.

CG closes the gap when Erin wipes out bad enough to make Jeff cringe. He was probably concerned she damaged her implants.

But the fogies are hurting with Clay is their anchor. Mark Spitz he ain't. (And I think that sets a record for use of the word "ain't" in a single column.)

Chuay Ghan is officially Maraamu 2. If there isn't a majorly rigged challenge in episode 3, I guarantee we'll have the tribe swap by episode 4. Burnett can't let it stay this lopsided for long.

Back at camp, Team Elderly points the finger at Jan for blowing the challenge so naturally they don't even consider voting her off. Ghandia says it's either going to be Helen or Tanya. Her loyalty to Clay and Jan is just dumb in the context of the game. Of course, their loyalty to her is just as dumb.

At the Chateau Tribál, Ted says, "We're still a family," and Helen tells about her nice surprise. But she says she can't be emotional about it because she's "under orders not to cry." Helen scares me. A lot.

Jeff asks, "Ghandia, what are you basing your vote on tonight?" She replies, "I'm basing my vote on the person's ability to actually mesh with the rest of us. I think that's really important. There has to be a good camaraderie amongst all of us." In other words, Helen scares her too.

They start to vote and Brian casts one for Tanya because she's sick. The only other vote we see is Ghandia's. It looks like Helen will have her own canoe shortly.

Chuay Ghan's average age just doubled.

But no! Tanya is gone by a vote of 5 to 2, joining Ramona and Jessie as puking early-departers. So Ghandia is NOT in with the rest of the group which we'll have to keep an eye on next week.

Jeff tries to put a positive spin on things. "You guys seem like a good, strong, likeable tribe. The only way to start winning is to keep that togetherness." And get stronger, faster, and smarter.

Next week on Survivor: We have a challenge with actual fighting! We have Robb choking Clay! We have Ken busting a move on Ghandia! We have Scott vomiting!

"This is the Survivor you'll be debating with your friends," Announcer Guy tells us. I know I'm hooked! Nothing like assault and a sex scandal to spice up prime time. See you next week on Unattractive Temptation Island!

-Not just Scott . . . Freakin' Scott