But first, before the final episode Nancy wrote in and said:

Does it seem to you that Susie has not lost any weight during the 39 days? After seeing Kenny, Bob and Matty without their shirts and looking very skeleton-like, Susie’s shirt is fitting her as tight as at the beginning. Are they secretly feeding her?

A very good question. Sugar had an excuse for looking normal since she was getting a full meal of fruit every three days. Maybe Susie had a spare key to the Sugar Shack?

On with the final show!

Jeff talks to Bob about winning. Bob cries.

Bob says his plan was to fly under the radar, work hard and make himself necessary, and get people to like him. He says he got a lot of beads for his Fake Hidden Immunity Idol from the tribe flag. Jeff says he pulled the un-Idol from the fire and gives the remains to Bob. Bob says the rope for the FHII came from around the clue in Exile.

Jeff does what he always does and asks who would’ve voted for Matty if he was in the final. Five jury members raise their hand. Jeff tells everyone at home to learn how to make fire before coming on Survivor. Matty almost cries.

Jeff tells Susie even he was shocked at how many votes she got. He says Randy was the deciding vote against Susie, and Randy says, “It was a million dollar cookie.”

Sugar says it was very hard playing the game after losing her father, but she doesn’t cry every day now. Jeff replays the Corinne quote and Corinne gets booed.

After the break they show a Corinne nasty-comment montage. Jeff asks if she regrets what she said to Sugar. She says she feels bad for Sugar’s loss but she felt like with all of Sugar’s crying she was stuck with a colicky baby.

Jeff asks Marcus why Sugar was so popular with the fans yet she didn’t get any jury votes. Marcus says there were ways Sugar reacted to anger that rubbed people the wrong way.

We see a Randy rudeness montage, but he gets applause. Jeff asks, “Were you always this way?” Randy says you’re either born with the ability to like him or you’re not. Jeff reveals that Marcus has the highest IQ of the group, but Randy is second. Randy says, “The test has got to be flawed, with all these Einsteins in the front row.” Randy gave his guest tickets to six strangers who were really big fans of the show. Randy applied for Survivor 15 times before getting on. Jeff calls him “despicable and likable.”

Next is a Crystal-stinking-at-Challenges montage. She pulls out her gold medal to prove she really won it. Jeff says, “You couldn’t do anything out there!” She says she’s only able to run around circles.

We interrupt this Summentary to bring you an article, courtesy of The Lovely Lorisa (tm), which contains this tidbit:

Chris in Seattle: Any behind the scenes action we didn't see from last night's Survivor finale?

Actually yes, right after Bob was announced the winner, did you notice how Crystal was checking out her hands and rubbing them? That's because she fell in the tribal fire! She slammed into it when the rest of the contestants finally came out.

I hope they never let her carry the Olympic torch.

Dan talks about being vulnerable on the show without your home support group. He may or may not have almost cried.

We see footage of Kenny winning a video game tournament. He says he’s known for his mind games in the gaming community. He says his downfall was getting cocky. Jeff asks if his love life has improved and he says he’s been talking to girls more but he wants someone who likes him for who he is and not because he was on Survivor. So, Jeff, to answer your question, no.

Jeff asks Michelle if there was any spark with Kenny and she says she has dreams about a big termite trying to eat her. Don’t look at me, I’m just typing it.

Jeff says people have been asking him if Ace’s accent is real. Ace says he was born in London to British parents so it is real. He says he should have tried to use an American accent on the show.

There are members of the Gabonese government in the audience. Apparently they brought a native-dress-wearing posse.

Jeff says there was online voting for a $100,000 prize again this season. The top three were Matty, Bob and Sugar. Matty came in third. Bob wins again. He is speechless so Jeff goes over and answers for him.

Matty says he’s still engaged and they’re planning their wedding.

Paloma says they all can do anything.

Kelly says it was hard trying to get along with everyone.

Jeff tells GC they were about to start the Challenge without him. GC says he was looking for a Popeye’s or something.

Jacquie says the show allowed them to detox from technology.

Gillian had applied to be on the show more than anyone.

Next time on…Survivor: They’re heading to the Brazilian interior to something called “Tocantins.” I think it means “two tin cans.”

Thank you to everyone for reading! Extra thanks to everyone who wrote in. Have a great Christmas and may you be despicable and likeable, but not of a leech on society.

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!