As always, the finale begins with a long and entertaining season recap. Here’s what stood out to me: all the brutal (and disgusting) injuries, and all the blindsides. Although, quit calling Alexis a blindside. Only two people voted for her. It was good deception and great use of the Hidden Immunity Idol, but it wasn’t a Blindside in the traditional Survivor sense of the term.

Day 37 is filled with man-bashing and Natalie says she has a strong bond with Poverty. Cirie says they have to beat Natalie for the next Immunity.

The Challenge is standing on a pole, pulling up a bucket, filling a tube with water, swimming, and building a puzzle ladder. Natalie is first after the tube, then Poverty, then Amanda. But Amanda dominates the puzzle and ladders her way to victory.

Natalie thinks she’s on the outside but she’s not going to give up. Cirie asks Natalie if she’s promised anybody her final vote. Natalie tells us she thinks Poverty would “go out on a limb” for her. You mean Erik’s limb?

Amanda says the plan has been the three Favorites sticking together but she thinks Cirie would get a lot of jury votes. Poverty says Cirie got lucky she was with the two of them. Huh?

Natalie tells Poverty what Cirie asked her. Poverty tells us Natalie is less of a jury threat than Cirie. Natalie pinches Poverty’s butt as they walk out of camp and Pov giggles.

At Tribal Council Erik smiles and shakes his head. Natalie says she’s proud they were able to accomplish an “impossible task” last time. Amanda says she’s “fairly confident” she knows what’s going on tonight. Jeff asks if things would change if they knew there were only going to be two at the end instead of three. Amanda says that would throw them for another loop. Cirie says if that’s the case she’d be at the bottom of the alliance like usual. Amanda asks when she felt that way before, and Cirie says it started back when it was the two couples and her.

The tally goes Cirie, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie. And a Favorite will take home the prize.

Back at camp Amanda can’t let Cirie’s comment go. She asks why Cirie was trying to make them look bad. Cirie says she was just telling the truth and reminds Amanda that Amanda told her she couldn’t vote out Poverty, so what is she supposed to think about her place in their alliance of three? Amanda apologizes for accusing Cirie and cries. They all hug.

Cirie is now worried this might not be “the end of it” and they have to go down to two. The next day they let Gloria the chicken free, but she instead of running away she makes a nest in camp.

Tree Mail says there’s Fallen Comrades…and another Immunity Challenge. How’s that loop? Amanda cries again. “When is it going to end?” she asks. Uh, Day 39.

So we’re going to have an eight-person jury. Very interesting, and mathematically risky.

Fallen Comrade highlights: Joel says his Survivor experience is best summed up as “failure.” Kathy says Survivor is so hard she’d rather “whip out eight more kids in ten minutes.” Ozzy says his relationship with Amanda is worth more than any amount of money. Jason says getting voted out like Ozzy shows he’s just as strong a competitor. (By “competitor” he must mean “dumb guy.) Erik says he learned a bit about how women operate. (Mmm-hmm.) Natalie says women are smarter than men and, “I’m my biggest fan.” (Let’s see, that means you have…one.)

Now we go to the final-for-real Immunity Challenge. You have to balance a little metal ball on a wooden cylinder. Every five minutes you add unattached handle pieces that you have to push together in the air. Now that I’ve butchered that explanation, Poverty goes out in the third round.

The fifth round goes until somebody fails. That’s more like it. After just a little bit, however, Cirie’s cylinder falls and Amanda wins her second straight Immunity.

Amanda says this is the hardest decision of the game because they’re all so close. What does close have to do with it? Isn’t it an easy pick to boot Cirie because she ran things?

Cirie thinks it’ll be her going because Amanda and Poverty are so “buddy-buddy.” Poverty is confident Amanda will take her because of their relationship.

Amanda and Poverty talk. Amanda thinks Cirie would’ve taken Poverty. Poverty says, “It’s not like she would’ve won. She pissed way more people off than I did.” Huhwhatnow? But even if it’s true, why would you say that? “Oh yeah, a lot more people on the jury will like me more than her. But I’m really glad you’re taking me and making it harder for you to win the million!”

Amanda says Poverty and Cirie both deserve to be here. Again, what does that have to do with it??

Cirie says Amanda’s best chance is against her because she did most of the talking when they screwed everyone over. But Amanda says Cirie can convince anybody to do anything (which is what she’s trying to do now).

Tribal Council time. Amanda says Cirie is a great talker and Poverty has personal relationships with many people on the jury. Amanda cries and says she doesn’t want to hurt either of them. Sigh. What show is this, Rock of Love? Hmmm, Amanda is wearing a bandana…

The vote is for…Cirie. The right choice even if it was for the wrong reasons. Amanda cries a lot more. Poverty does not.

In Cirie’s final words, she finally cries. “I tried my hardest, but it just wasn’t meant to be.” She made it to the final episode in both of her seasons but couldn’t get in front of the jury.

Day 39. Poverty says she and Amanda owned this game. Amanda is proud that she went 78 days in back-to-back Survivors. That is impressive. She says her game was staying loyal to her alliances while Poverty did whatever she had to do, so she thinks more people on the jury will be mad at Poverty.

They torch the shelter. Poverty says her game was more “aggressive,” “cutthroat” and “cold-blooded.” She says the strongest point she can make before the jury is that she’s been a “powerful and controlling player.” I’ll tell you what card she needs to play, the “I got Ozzy” card. Amanda had zero part in that and it may have been the turning point in the game. Cirie gets more credit as the mastermind of that coup, but Cirie’s not here.

Amanda says she’s ready if Poverty tries to throw her under the bus. I hope so. In China she also went to the final with a long-time ally and Todd just worked her over.

The Final Tribal Council begins and Cirie looks very classy. Amanda gets the first opening statement and she says she wanted to play a loyal game and fight until the end. She thanks the jury for their help. Poverty says her reputation coming in was the flirt so she had to play more aggressively this time. She says because of the strong competition she had to pull off “bold power plays”. Man, I hate the “I was loyal and didn’t lie” angle. Advantage: Poverty.

Eliza says she doesn’t know who she’s voting for. She tells Poverty she admires her play on Ozzy but doesn’t admire how she unnecessarily made fun of her so it’s going to be hard to vote for someone so mean. She tells Amanda she’s also impressed with her strategy but that listening to her superficial talk made her want to kill herself. She wants to see honesty from them tonight, but she doesn’t let either of them talk.

Jason asks Amanda if she would have told Ozzy had she known they were voting for him and she quickly answers yes. Jason tells Poverty he saw her as a “devious, manipulative player” and asks what her redeeming qualities were in the game. She says she was protective of and loyal to her alliance with Cirie and Amanda, and they didn’t kill the last chicken.

Alexis asks Poverty why she’s a better role model for young girls. Poverty says she’s more independent and willing to make bold moves. Alexis accuses Amanda of acting when she cried for Cirie, and asks what about her game has been genuine. Amanda says the tears were real and she didn’t come here to get sympathy votes.

Natalie asks Poverty how her flirting strategy translates to the bedroom. What?? James does a James look and says, “I’m confused.” Jeff hushes the jury. Natalie says Poverty flirted with her “on several occasions” and Poverty giggles and says, “You’re sexy.” There, she did it again. Poverty says she’ll flirt with both men and women to get her way. Nat asks Amanda if it was her strategy to play the “zombie pretty girl” and “pageant queen cliché.” Amanda says she’s strong and intellectual, but may be a little reserved.

Erik says a few days ago he would’ve voted for Amanda for sure, but he feels burned by her and wonders why she felt compelled to judge him in front of everyone at Tribal Council. Amanda says she was being honest but she’s sorry. Erik says it’s too little, too late. He has nothing for Poverty.

James says, “Amanda pretty much knows she got it in the bag.” He says after Poverty turned on Ozzy she came up to James and gave him “fluff.” He wants her to reenact their conversation but be honest. She laughs and says, “Ha ha, I got you, sucka,” but James gets upset and says that’s not it either. He says he wants her to admit it was just a game the whole time. She says she had no chance of winning if she stuck with James and Ozzy and doing what she did gave her control.

Cirie asks Amanda why Poverty deserves a million dollars more than she does. Don’t take the bait, Amanda… Amanda says Poverty played an aggressive bold game that Amanda respects. Cirie asks if that means she didn’t respect Cirie’s game and Amanda says she does, but Poverty made bolder decisions and was the “powerhouse” behind most of them. Wow, not only did Amanda take the bait but she went on to make the case why she should lose. Cirie asks Pov why Cirie should be in her place. Poverty says Cirie played a great game and her under-the-radar strategy was brilliant, and Poverty couldn’t compete with Cirie being a mother of three.

Ozzy says he “might be the biggest idiot up here” and he says Poverty put a price on their friendship and wonders how she can call herself a role model when she discarded him like that. He says he doesn’t want her to say a word to him. He says the biggest pain was Poverty “took away 14 days I could’ve spent with Amanda.” Ick. He says he’s starting to fall in love with her. Gee, I wonder which way he’s voting?

We see no closing statements and they vote. Erik surprisingly votes for Amanda and says he’s willing to forgive and forget if she is.

Alexis votes for Poverty and says she’ll do amazing things with the money.

Ozzy votes for (gasp) Amanda. “I hope to God you win.” Yeah, so he gets half.

Eliza laments for a very, very, very long time before voting.

Now we’re live. Jeff says “word on the street” is this is the best season since the first one. I don’t know about that.

It’s the moment of financial truth. The tally goes: Poverty, Amanda, Poverty, Amanda (2-2), Poverty, Amanda, (3-3), Poverty. Final vote….Poverty No More!

So Eliza’s slow vote decided it. I guess a mean person is better than someone who makes you suicidal.

And Amanda blows another finale. She’s the Ohio State of Survivor.

Amanda is likeable and observant enough to make the right alliance, but she’s not tough enough to break the bonds when it’s needed to win. The Cirie question summed it up. Poverty did the right thing and kissed some behind. Her answer to James is what Amanda should have said to Cirie: “I couldn’t win against you because you’re so great.”

The jury doesn’t want to hear that you were honest and loyal. They all feel betrayed and have crushed egos. You need to admit you lied to people, and you need to say you did it because they were smarter/stronger/whatever than you. That’s what Parvati did, and that’s why she’s the winner.

It doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Coming soon…The Reunion, a.k.a. Erik’s Worst Nightmare!

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