They show the clip where Jean-Robert threatens Todd and then JR says Todd’s answers changed his mind. Todd says he played to JR’s ego.

Jeff asks Todd why he gave James both Idols instead of just the one to save him. Todd rambles on about taking chances without giving a good reason. It’s a fair question. If James had played his Idols and won one more Immunity he wins going away and Todd looks like an idiot for handing him invincibility. Oh so close.

Jeff calls James’ non-move “the biggest blunder in the history of this game.” And that’s saying something. James says he trusted his alliance and looks like he’s about to cry. And 800,000 single ladies line up outside his house.

Denise is asked why she didn’t join up with PG and Erik to get herself into the final. She says she thought she had a better chance against Todd, Amanda and/or Courtney.

Looking back, that’s the theme of this season: The moves people didn’t make. James didn’t play an Idol. Denise didn’t turn on the young kids. Amanda didn’t turn on Todd. We had the big play to oust James and then everyone seemed to get scared to do anything, and it cost everybody but the flight attendant.

Courtney started the show at 93 pounds and ended up at 86 pounds. Good gracious. James probably has toenails heavier than that. Jeff asks her about anorexia (wow, that was bold) and says she does look heavier now than when she began. And Courtney gets upset about Jeff calling her “fat.” That’s the problem. Courtney looks much better now (if you can get past the hair) so Jeff pointing it out is a compliment. Hey young girls of the world: IT’S OK TO EAT FOOD.

Denise says things have gotten worse for her since the show. She says she lost her lunch lady job because her fame was too distracting so she’s now a janitor. Later, Jeff says Mark Burnett just said he’s going to give her $50,000 to help her out.

But – and here’s the benefit to writing this so late – it turns out that’s not exactly how it happened. You can read the full story here but the gist of is that the custodian job was actually a promotion (more pay, better benefits) that Denise willingly applied for and accepted before she went on Survivor. Ouch.

Here’s the thing. Denise still could’ve put on her woe-is-me show and panhandled for dollars by telling the truth. She could’ve said things were so bad for her family that she felt she had to take this late-night toilet-scrubbing job to make ends meet. But no, she had to go for the wrongly-terminated angle and has since been made to look like a fool. So maybe it’s still harsh to say Denise sucks at life, but she definitely sucks at lying.

(I didn’t expect this summentary to turn into Scott’s Thoughts on the World As We Know It. Who am I going to fix next?)

Courtney says she regrets the life-sucking comment and Denise says there are no hard feelings. Jeff asks Denise about her hair (that’s even bolder than the eating disorder inquiry) and she says she needs it short for work but she keeps it long for her man. In other words, it’s for love. And isn’t that why anyone wears a mullet?

Jaime and Erik are dating. Jeff asks him if he’s still a virgin (wow! Is Jeff gunning for a spot on 20/20?) and Erik says, “Of course.” You go, E with the big V. Listen to Erik’s band’s music here. (I find it funny that it’s a two-man band and Florez is the name of the other guy.)

Crazy Dave says he got naked in that wrestling Challenge to try and psych the other team out.

They announce the results of the fan vote for a $100,000 prize and the three finalists are Denise, James and PG (huh?). The winner is…obviously, James. And 120,000,000 more single ladies line up outside his house.

Next time on…Survivor, in…February:

Micronesia. And the format is “Fans vs. Favorites.” What? Color me unenthused. I don’t like All-Star seasons. I hated seeing Stephenie and Bobby Jon come back. This sounds even worse.

But, yeah, I’ll be watching. So if they go with the standard 16-person format, and we assume (and beg) that they don’t bring back any of the previous All-Stars, I’m going to say the eight returning “Favorites” are:

Stephenie (Yes, a third time. Not a lot of memorable females the last few seasons.)
Shane
Cirie
Cao Boi (Cowboy)
Yau-Man
James

After that you’ll need some bikini girls so my guesses are Parvati, and Julie from Vanuatu (you know, Mrs. Probst).

Now it’s time to dang hibernate. Everyone stay warm and I’ll see you in Micronesia, as soon as I found out where that is.

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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