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Survivor 12 Episode 1

Are you ready for Survivor Dozen, cousin?

It doesn't matter how little I've read about a season or how quietly the premiere sneaks up on me, as soon as Jeff's out on some rock talking about the new game I get fired up for Survivor. Awooooooooo!

So what's that skull thing they've got on Exile Island? Is that a shelter for the banished or some sort of VIP club?

If the whole Exile thing wasn't enough, the other big twist is there will be four tribes of four, with the castaways split up by age and gender: Younger Women, Older Women, Younger Men, and Older Men.

Ten seconds in and we already have our boob girl (Danielle) and a flirty wink from Courtney to one of the young guys. The Younger Women's strategy is pretty clear.

And--boom--here comes the first Reward Challenge. One person from each tribe will run to the end of the island and break open coconuts until they find an amulet. The three winning tribes each get flint for fire. The last place finisher gets nothing and we get our first banishment. Bam. Welcome to Survivor.

Terry for the Older Men is wearing a striped yellow shirt, dark blue shorts with red trim, and a green visor. Basically he dresses like me. But my man finishes first, followed by Austin for the Younger Men and…big suspense…Ruth Marie for the Older Women! One of the flirties will be sleeping alone tonight.

Danielle volunteers to stay but the other three say she shouldn't because she just ran the Challenge. They RoShamBo for it and Misty the engineer is the big loser. She'll have to stay until the first Immunity Challenge and miss out on everything her tribe does and says without her.

The twists just keep on coming. There's an individual Immunity Idol hidden on Exile Island and the bonus twist is you can use it after the votes are read at Tribal Council. Very nice! If that occurs, whoever has the second most votes immediately goes home.

After everyone else leaves, Jeff tells Misty she'll have plenty of time to think about why fate chose her to be first. He then says he already told her the first clue.

She tells us Jeff said to think about why she was left "behind" so she thinks the Idol is behind where she was standing. I rewound the tape and he didn't use that word once. Oops.

Over at the Older Women's new camp Cirie (pronounced "sir-EE") tells us she's afraid of critters. "I'm not good with 'things'," she says. That includes leaves.

As a group the Older Women are working hard. Tina the lumberjill is taking charge and they have a nice fire and decent shelter already. Tina wonders about Cirie. "Did anyone tell her what show she was going to be on?" Exactly.

The Younger Men are playing baseball. Then Aras has them all put their hands really close together so they can feel the energy between them. What is this, Brokeback Island?

Austin admits, "We don't have a clue what we are doing." They prove it by throwing some logs and palm branches against a tree and calling it a shelter.

The Young Women can't make any decisions. But they do decide to get into their bikinis.

Courtney comes across a dead sea turtle and says it's a big deal because it represents mother earth and North America or something. She draws a heart in the sand around it. Her tribemates are a little worried.

The Older Men also have a big fire and are hard at work. Terry and Dan have already formed an alliance. They reveal their true backgrounds to each other: Terry the astronaut and Dan the Navy fighter pilot. Seems like a pretty good fit.

Shane complains that he doesn't fit in with the other older guys. He also admits to the camera that he smoked three packs a day up until about thirty hours ago. Way to be prepared. And what are all his word tattoos? Is he the guy from Memento?

The next day Exile Misty eats a worm. She says she's going to trick her tribe into thinking she found the Idol. The lies begin.

The Immunity Idol consists of three shrunken heads on a stick. The Challenge is a long race that includes swimming, diving underwater, paddling a raft, completing a brainteaser, and throwing a grappling hook. Welcome to Survivor.

The Younger Men can't unclip their raft on the diving segment and fall way behind. The Younger Women bounce back nicely from the Reward Challenge and finish first followed by the Older Men. The Older Women blow their lead over the Younger Men and the bloody young guys take third.

Older Man Dan is whiter than bleached snow. He's got an anti-tan. He must have traveled to the dark side of the moon.

Back at camp, LumberTina is sitting alone on the beach. The other three take notice. Tina tells the camera her 16-year-old son, her only child, was killed in a car accident just four and a half months ago. Yikes! Are you sure it's wise to be here? She says she's going to keep that information secret. Are you sure that's wise too?

Cirie targets Tina for the vote and talks to the others about not being able to beat Tina in any Challenges. It's just a little bit early to be playing the threat angle, especially in a four-person tribe.

Tina finds a live big fish washed up on the rocks and brings it back to camp. Melinda says there are lots of reasons to keep Tina while Cirie is the weak link.

Our first Tribal Council. This is strange with only four people. There could be a lot of ties.

Cirie admits she had never slept outside before. She encourages all the "people like me" on the couch at home to "stay on the couch."

Ruth Marie says it's comforting having Tina there with all her outdoor experience, but Cirie says they could've done everything without her. Jeff asks Tina if the others are pulling their weight and Tina says they aren't working as hard as she'd like! Again, not so wise. Melinda says they're all working; they're just doing different things.

Cirie and Tina vote for each other. It's got to be the one afraid of leaves, right?

The first tally goes: Tina, Cirie, Tina! And Tina again!! It's the return of the Maraamu Hunter blunder! Jeff calls them out on it, wondering why they voted out "the one person who could've made your life a little easier." Tina tells us she hopes her tribe does terribly.

Next time on…Survivor: Yet another twist, "the pressure gets to Shane," and Cirie says Shane wants to quit.

Overall, I am very pleased. I think the Exile addition is excellent and it looks like they did another good job of casting crazy people.

I am Scott, and I approve this Survivor.


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