The Survivor: Guatemala finale begins with a season-long recap. The highlights include the very first Challenge. I still can't believe they had to spend their first night in the absolute middle of a jungle. Then we get to see all the puking again, plus Jamie and Bobby Jon yelling.

We're reminded that in addition to all the food Rewards, Judd also shared the individual Immunity Idol clue with Stephenie. Yeah, he's got a right to be a little bitter.

Day 37, and Danni says she's a big Kansas Jayhawk fan. Let's hope she does better in the big game than they do.

Some modern Maya arrive (and they do exist. I looked it up and learned something today) to perform a ceremony. They yank the head off a chicken and throw it in a fire. Well, it was a little classier than that. Rafe was very moved, as was Lydia who is proud of her Latin heritage. Stephenie has Lydia ask the Maya in Spanish if they can eat the chicken, but they vehemently say no.

The Immunity Challenge is a huuuuuuge bird-shaped maze. This thing is a work of art. It's got ladders, rope bridges and pontoons floating on water. Each person has six sets of puzzle pieces to retrieve one at a time.

Stephenie grabs the early lead, and Lydia is second! But everyone quickly passes her. So much for that.

Rafe is the first to the puzzle with Stephenie right behind. Rafe thinks he has the image right…and he does! Another Immunity!

Back at camp Steph says she wants to get to the final two with Rafe because he's the only one she thinks she has a chance against. She tells him she wants Danni out next so they both have a better chance to win the final Immunity. This worries Rafe as he has promised Danni a top-three finish.

As the day goes on, Stephenie's mind goes back to the chicken. Does she ever stop thinking about food? She convinces Lydia to go with her and while they're inspecting the bird Lydia asks Steph if they'll take her into the final three. Steph says they're already talking about it.

Sure enough the chicken looks edible and Stephenie's all for it. "We can say a little prayer or something if you want," she says. Lydia and Danni join her in eating but Rafe passes. Such a respectful young man.

Cut to a huge thunderstorm that night. Ha. Now Steph wants to say a prayer for forgiveness. Rafe says, "I heard them say the thunder god's name a couple times." Touché!

At Tribal Council #1 Jeff casually mentions the rain. Lydia confesses they ate the chicken. "Wow," Jeff says, shaking his head.

Lydia says they should keep her because she's not a threat. Danni says Lydia would win with the jury because everyone likes her. Steph says Danni and Lydia are both smart and well liked.

Now's your chance Rafe…backstab the backstabber!

The tally goes: Danni, Lydia, Lydia, Lydia. Rafe chooses friendship over his best chance at the money. I hope you're happy being a really nice guy.

Day 38 is the dumb tribute to the "fallen" Survivors. This season we have sketches of their faces to burn. Surprisingly Stephenie does not try to eat these. Best quotes: Blake says, "I'm young, I'll make that money eventually." Seeing Amy, Danni says, "I never heard more swear words." Picture Jamie looks like David Hasselhoff. Brandon says the game was "pretty much one big blurry ass-whuppin' then I got voted off." And we get a gratuitous bouncing booby shot of Cindy in slow motion.

The final Immunity Challenge is standing on a "wobbly platform." Wobbly is an understatement. The small standing surface is on a very loose swivel. There's what looks like a large doorframe above you and there are two ropes hanging down for you to hold onto. After one hour you have to drop one rope then thirty minutes after that the other rope goes.

Stephenie seems pretty stable. Rafe takes his glasses off and shakes all over. Just before the hour expires Jeff reminds them they're not out until their feet hit the ground.

The loss of one rope is all it takes to send everyone flying. Steph, Danni, then Rafe. All three hang from the rope and end up leaning with their feet on the side of the platform and their backs on the frame, at a 45-degree angle.

After the next half hour they release the second rope and Jeff says their hands can no longer touch anything.

Now the waiting game begins. But Rafe touches the pole to push himself up! Jeff catches him and Rafe is done! He's stunned and very angry with himself.

We're past the two-hour mark. Stephenie has slid down the pole a long way while Danni doesn't look like she's moved. Her height is definitely an advantage at this point.

Two hours and 38 minutes. Steph is just inches off the ground and crying. She finally falls and sobs, "I can't move."

Rafe and Danni come over to comfort her. On the spot Rafe tells Danni he's releasing her from her promise to take him to the final two. What are you doing?? Rafe is a sucker for tears.

Later Rafe says Stephenie deserves a chance to fight for the final spot. What is he talking about? She did have her chance. It was called the Immunity Challenge, and she lost. Danni tells them she doesn't think she can beat either of them because of all the former allies they have on the jury. Some would say that works against them. Steph tells Danni to go with her heart.

Tribal Council #2. Lydia is looking fab-u-lous and very happy. Jeff asks why they now voted off the weakest player because "95%" of the time Lydia loses to any of them. Tell us what you really think of her.

Rafe admits Danni had made a promise to him but that he released her from it. "Why would you do that?" Jeff asks. The Man is pulling no punches tonight.

Danni says Rafe would be the right choice because he helped her get where she is, but Steph would be the right choice because it would be "easier" to beat her in front of the jury. Bobby Jon and Jamie do a three-step handshake. Sheph agrees with Danni's thinking, but Rafe says he "screwed over the same people."

The vote is for…Rafe. I am sad, but it was a smart move by Danni. In his final words Rafe gushes over Stephenie and says he's voting for her tomorrow.

The last day at camp was a complete waste so we jump ahead to the final Tribal Council. In her opening statement Danni says she's honored to be there because she was outnumbered after the merge and she's surprised she wasn't seen as more of a threat because of her athleticism. Stephenie thanks the jury for the experience and wants to ease the minds of the "few people" who are "a little upset" at her.

Bobby Jon asks them both if they're proud of the way they played. Steph says there are two people she "sort of backstabbed." Danni says her only regret is that their tribe didn't win more Immunity Challenges so they could've stuck together after the merge. Good suck-up.

Gary says he'll give his vote to whomever gives the best answer. He asks the standard, "Why shouldn't I vote for you?" question. Stephenie says because they had an alliance at the very beginning of the game but she made a different alliance after the tribe swap. Danni says because she acted selfishly in aligning with Rafe and voting for Gary.

Jamie asks Danni who'd be in her final five. Danni says her old alliance with Bobby Jon, Gary and Brandon. Jamie doesn't say if he'll count her inability to count against her.

To Stephenie, Jamie says he would avoid people before he voted them out but Steph acted like she really was someone's best friend before voting against them. Steph says she wasn't the only one who voted Jamie out, she had good reasons for turning on people each time, she wanted to blindside them, and she hopes the jury will look at and respect her game.

Lydia tells Stephenie she was loyal to her since Day 6, and Steph thanks her for that. Steph says she should've taken Lydia to the final three so she had a better chance of winning but that would've made her look bad as a competitor. I don't understand why everyone's so comfortable insulting Lydia right to her face.

Lydia tells Danni that Danni said she would take care of her, and Danni says she had to manipulate the game in order to advance.

Cindy asks them both who they'd remove from the jury and why. Danni says Rafe because she knows he's going to vote for Stephenie. Stephenie says she doesn't want any of them gone and picks Bobby Jon because he was the first one on the jury. She obviously didn't get the butt-kissing point of Cindy's question.

Rafe reminds Danni that she said if she won the final Immunity she would take the person most deserving to be in the final two. He then asks why she changed her mind. Danni says Stephenie proved in the final Challenge that she too deserved to be there, just like Rafe. Good answer.

Rafe tells Steph she dominated the game strategically and wants to know what was her best move that he didn't know about. She says there wasn't one because she told him everything. As Rafe goes to sit down he tells Stephenie he wants to hear why she really deserves to win in her closing comments. Hey, no coaching from the jury box!

Judd begins by saying, "I want to congratulate yous." He asks Danni if she's ever gone ice-skating before because she skated through the game. He then asks if she backstabbed anyone. She says she lied by telling Jamie she wasn't voting for him, and by telling Brian she didn't know who was going when he was voted out. Judd responds by saying it sounds like she lied a lot. No, Judd, it sounds like she lied two times. Judd tells Danni to go to confession and Danni says she asks for forgiveness every day.

Judd asks Stephenie if she's still starving because she ate more than he does at home. Now this is an attack I can get behind. He goes on to say it's clear Stephenie's strategy was to backstab everyone. "Not true," she replies. He continues saying she blindsided everyone she voted out. "No I didn't," Steph says. I'm not sure who she thinks she's fooling.

But Judd's not done. He says Stephenie crossed the line when she told his wife they had the closest bond of anyone in the game. Oooo…great point. Stephenie says it wasn't a lie because she meant it at the time. She says she planned on staying true to Judd until she heard that he talked to Lydia about voting out the strongest people. Judd says he was just talking and wasn't going to do anything. Stephenie tries to respond but he cuts her off and ends the conversation by sitting down. Bravo.

OK, I thought Stephenie was doing all right until then. When you've played as a front-runner the entire game, and you've clearly betrayed people, you just have to come clean at the end. Something like, "Yes, I lied to you. Yes, I stabbed you in the back. I knew my only hope of survival was eliminating the best competitors and that meant turning on you." Saying you didn't lie or that you didn't betray your alliances just makes you look foolish.

Time for closing remarks. Stephenie thanks the jury for their comments. She says the game brings out the worst in people and makes you hurt people. Her plan was to align herself with good people, have numbers on her side the whole way, and always stay calm. She points out that she didn't let others make decisions for her and she outwitted, outlasted and outplayed everyone to get there.

Danni says she knew she was an underdog after the merge. She waited to see who was in charge and when she saw it was Rafe and Steph she got close to them, and says they became friends along the way. She also says the million would be put to good use. Stephenie's speech was better.

It's time to vote. Judd votes for Danni, trying to give the "I told you I'd never vote for you" line but completely butchering it. Rafe votes for Stephenie, calling her "the ultimate Survivor."

Now the moment of truth…Jeff's exit! He gets on a helicopter and…that's it. Boooo! If there's not a machete or a motorcycle sidecar, I'm not happy.

We go live to the studio where we see Danni's body double with really huge lips. Both finalists are wearing big boots. Jeff says the winner also gets a Torrent and he thinks it's one of the ones Cindy didn't give away. Such a jokester.

Tally time: Danni, Stephenie, Danni, Danni….DANNI! She got every vote but Rafe's and wins in a landslide! Congratulations to her for hanging in there against the odds, making smart moves (like buying the Challenge clue), winning the final Immunity, and making the right choice about who to bring with her at the end. A very deserving winner.

I was rooting for Rafe, but he had a too much Ian in him at the end. He should have dumped Stephenie when he had the chance, and he sure as heck should've pushed Danni to take him.

I think I've made it pretty obvious I didn't like the twist of returning players from a previous season, so I'm very glad Stephenie didn't win. Hopefully she'll use her $100,000 to finally fill her stomach.

Next…the Reunion!

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