As you could probably tell from my preview, I didn't know anything about the twist to start the show. I hadn't seen any of the commercials, and I always stay away from stuff on the Internet. CBS did a good job of hiding it on their site (the whole site has changed with tons of videos and extras now) so the surprise was quite the surprise to me.

And I didn't like it one bit.

You'll recall that during the Pearl Islands season I wasn't a fan of the whole "Outcast" twist. To me, the most important words in the game are: "The tribe has spoken." The tribe shouldn't unspeak. Once you've been removed from the game, your torch should stay snuffed.

This is even worse. At least the Outcasts were part of the world of Survivor: Pearl Islands. They started the game as unknowns, and the only thing you knew about them was what they did or said on the island. With Stephenie and Bobby Jon, the viewers--and, more importantly, the other players--have information about these individuals. Even worse, some do but anyone who didn't watch the last season does not.

Survivor is supposed to be a self-contained universe. No outside influences. Bringing back two "all-stars" is like delivering a pizza to the Biosphere. It contaminates the game.

So, yeah, before I get too far: If you missed the first episode, Stephenie and Bobby Jon from Survivor: Palau have been brought back for this season. They aren't just special guests, they're full-fledged members of each tribe. Boooooo.

Enough about my displeasure. This was still a very good episode.

The two tribes are Nakum ("na-KOOM", in "yellow," with Bobby Jon) and Yaxha ("ya-SHAW," in blue, with Stephenie).

Brandon says that while Bobby Jon may be strong, "He's kind of a little bit dumb." That would be my reaction too. Oh, thanks, two of the biggest losers in Survivor history have joined our game. Hooray.

Same ol' Bobby Jon.

The game immediately starts with a Reward Challenge. The tribes will "race" for eleven miles through the jungle. The winner gets the better campsite and flint for fire. Each tribe receives a compass and map, then whatever food and water they want to carry.

Brandon gives a "Yahoo!" and starts running, only to slip and fall on his butt. I'm hoping he can be this season's James.

Gary is leading the way for Yaxha. We hear him say he's going to lie if anyone recognizes him. I don't think he has anything to worry about. He wasn't that good.

Nakum is leading. Blake gets hit with a thorny tree branch. Margaret the nurse immediately comes in handy.

The sun sets and everyone's still in the middle of the jungle. Yaxha stops to rest till sunrise. Nakum also has to stop because Blake is now vomiting. Was that a Guatemalan Thorny Tree Branch Of Death perhaps?

Day 2 and Yaxha wakes to the hideous sound of a really ugly monkey in the trees. They get going and discover Nakum just a little ways in front of them.

Both tribes reach a road and it looks like it's going to be an Amazing Race-like sprint to the finish. But Stephenie tells us Amy and Lydia were too slow and Nakum pulls ahead again.

But then Bobby Jon starts cramping up and collapses! Margaret says it's severe dehydration. Wouldn't it be awesome if their "expert" causes them to lose?

Bobby Jon recovers in time to allow Nakum to get to their canoe on the lake first. Yaxha reaches their boat just a few minutes behind.

The men take it sitting down.

Nakum crosses the lake but big Judd jumps out of the canoe--a "premature evacuation" according to Brandon--and he sinks in the mud like a wildebeest. Then Bobby Jon can barely get out of the boat because of his cramps. Blow it, Bobby, blow it!

Alas, Yaxha is too slow on the lake and Bobby Jon's Nakum holds on for the win.

The losers paddle to their home and get to work on a shelter. Stephenie is happy with her tribe's work ethic.

Back at Nakum, Blake is puking up a kidney. So is Judd--and Jim! And Bobby Jon is in worse shape than all of them. He's flat on his back and his eyes are rolling back into his head. We hear Bobby Jon say, "Palau was recess compared to Guatemala." Will he get a third shot at the game if he slips into a coma?

Margaret takes off somebody's sock to reveal a nasty white wrinkled foot. Does dehydration cause leprosy?

Day 3 and thankfully no one has died. Time for the first Immunity Challenge and Mr. Probst is wearing a smooth hat. G'day, Jeff. The Immunity Idol appears to be throwing gang signs. Best keep steppin'.

The tribes will canoe out to get a torch then return to shore. Four people will pull the boat up the sand with a rope while the others move logs that will act as the "wheels" for the boat. First tribe to get their boat past the finish line and light their torch wins. Yaxha would also get fire if they win.

We have a good race on our hands. The tribes are even at the buoy and almost even at the beach. Stephenie gets her foot caught under her log and Nakum takes the lead. But they start to move crooked and Yaxha catches up again. The men are doing the pulling and the women are getting beat up with the logs. A couple other people get their feet run over.

The logs are unkind.

Yaxha extends their lead and they hold on for the win. Jeff singles out Stephenie and reminders her she was at every Tribal Council last season.

Commercial break and the buffs are already on sale. Gotta make that dolla.

Back at camp we learn that Jim the old guy hurt his arm lifting the canoe. He said he heard his bicep snap. Yikes!

By the time they get to Tribal Council, Jim has his arm in a sling. Gee, I wonder who they're going to vote off. Jeff talks about how all the men were ill and Judd gets defensive. He says he was only lying down for a bit. Calm down, big fella.

No votes are shown. Sure enough, the tally is five straight Jims.

We later find out Jim's vote was for the nurse. How does that make sense when you have a busted arm?

Jeff sends them off by saying they have to figure out "how to give it your all without destroying yourselves in the process." I think that applies to life in general. I hope we all learned something today.

We'll miss you, One-Armed Jim.

We have a new feature where a family member talks about the recently departed. Jim's wife says she's proud of her husband and is looking forward to resuming their walks together.

Another commercial gimmick: Six former Survivors will be driving around in a new Pontiac. If you get a picture of them you could win the same Pontiac. Your photographic targets are Jerri, Boston Rob, Ethan, Gervase, Erin (the endowed lass from Thailand) and--surprise--Rupert. Happy hunting.

Next time on…Survivor: Yaxha contemplates eating ants, Bobby Jon freaks out in some mud, and Blake has trouble breathing. Sounds like another fun-filled day in Guatemala.

The other main problem I have with the twist is all the attention the returning players get. Can you name three of the young women on the show off the top of your head? I can't. It was all Stephenie this and Stephenie that. Jeff was guilty of it too at the Immunity Challenge. I hope she and Bobby Jon both get the boot soon so we can go back to a regular game of Survivor.

Have a good week and watch out for Thorny Tree Branches Of Death!

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