As always, the final episode begins with a full-season recap. This is when we're reminded of things like Ian not always having that scraggly "beard," and Ian winning the male Immunity on the first day and using his pick to select Katie. Hmmmm…

Speaking of the Shady Lady, we see Katie trying to turn on Tom when there were still seven people left (the "Caryn sucks" episode), but then passing on another all-female alliance with only five left (when Caryn went home).

Now we're ready for business. Day 37 and while Tom is away, the other three talk about voting him out. Ian agrees it has to be done.

The first Immunity Challenge is monstrous. It involves an obstacle course, a three-story platform, and grappling hooks. And that just gets you to the final.

Really Big Challenge

No fake drama here: Tom and Ian go to the end. They'll slide down the always-fun flying fox into the water and retrieve three numbers that have to be arranged to form a lock combination.

Ian is the first to get his numbers out, but he can't open the box! He tries a number of combinations that don't work, and Tom takes it from him. Immunity again!

Back at camp Tom tells Jenn it's her because he's sticking with his alliance of three. He tells the whole group it's probably not wise for him to keep Ian around, but he's keeping his word.

That night Ian laughingly tells Tom he's glad Tom won the Immunity so he wouldn't have to make a "really difficult decision." Tom didn't think there was a decision to be made. He shares this with Jenn who gladly tells him how Ian told the girls he was voting out Tom if he could. Tom says, "Let's talk to him right now."

Ian admits to his talk with the ladies but says he's "just playing the game." Tom doesn't buy it. Ian really needs to learn when to shut his mouth.

At Tribal Council Tom tells about his revelation concerning Ian. Ian says he was just talking to the others but had no intention of voting for Tom. Jeff asks if he made Tom aware of this and Ian says, "Absolutely!" That's great, except Tom says he was never told anything.

Katie can't just sit still and let these two fight. She has to make it about her so she says Ian should be concerned about what she thinks right now. She asks Ian if he's lied to her in the past 24 hours. He repeats the question and says no. That means he lied to Tom. Ian is drowning here.

We see no votes and the tally goes: Ian, Jenn, Ian…Jenn! Tom voted for Ian, but Katie did not!

Even flying foxes fight.

Katie and Tom revote, but the result is the same. Jeff says the tiebreaker is a Challenge like with Stephenie and Bobby Jon. This time they have to burn through a rope suspended above their fire pit.

Jenn barely gets her fire lit when Ian snaps his line. That means Jenn is the third person this season not to get voted out, and that doesn't count Wanda, The Other Young Guy, or One Ankle Jeff.

In her final words, Jenn says she's disappointed Katie turned on her and she might not have her vote any more.

Later that night Ian still insists he wasn't going to vote for Tom. Tom calls him a terrible liar. Katie joins in taking shots at Ian. The poor guy is just getting killed.

The next morning Ian looks like he hasn't slept. Katie comes up and tells him to keep fighting. Then she tells him to take her to the final two. How does he not slap her?

Instead he tells her he was planning on taking her anyway. Katie says she'd like to believe it but it's hard after last night. Will she make up her mind?! Is she buddying up to Ian to get his vote, or is she just going to keep pummeling him because he stopped worshipping her for half a day?

Ian is officially losing his mind. A tear runs down his cheek as he talks to the camera. How many brains are they going to melt this season?

Time for the faux-funeral. They sink everyone's torches out at sea. Good-bye, eBay revenue.

Two thoughts from the montage: Seeing Angie dunk Gregg never gets old. And the quote of the year may be Bobby Jon talking about how he left "every blood, sweat, every toenail out on that island."

Wow, that was close.

Here it is, the final Immunity Challenge. This time they'll each be on a floating pole. There's a "small metal disk" about two feet up the pole where they have to stand barefoot. Katie should last about three minutes.

No! Two hours in and everybody's alive. At three hours and eighteen minutes it starts to rain. The sun is back at the four-hour mark. Finally, after four hours and 51 minutes, Katie says her back hurts too much and she quits. Easily her most impressive showing yet she still came in last.

5 hours, 28 minutes.

7 hours, 5 minutes!

8 hours, 11 minutes!! Jeff asks why no deal has even been discussed. Tom finally tells Ian if he wins he's taking Katie, but he'll take Ian if Ian steps down. Ian refuses. Tom asks if Ian's worried about facing the jury with his "persuasive language skills." Touché.

Later, Ian has an offer: "I'll go down if you take Katie." Huh?

That's right, Ian says he wants to prove he's friends with the both of them by sacrificing himself. Tom says, "Ian would have my friendship after the game anyway, but he would win my respect back." That's a lot easier to say when someone's handing you what you want, against the person you want.

So after ELEVEN hours and 55 minutes, Ian dives into the water, and Tom heads to the final. Jeff says they can just have Tribal Council right there. Tom confirms Ian's wishes and says, "I'm going to vote out my buddy Ian."

12 hours of this…

Day 39. They burn the picnic table. Would Smokey the Bear approve, Tom?

Final Tribal Council. Coby walks in with a "Don't Hate" t-shirt that includes a huge dollar sign. I hate that shirt.

Tom's first with his opening statement. He says it's an honor to be in front of them. He wants them to judge him on his hard work and the fact he didn't talk badly about any of them.

Katie says self-preservation was her skill. She never won Immunity but made it to the final two anyway. "I played the only cards I can play."

Coby has the first question. He says he doesn't respect how either of them played. He says Katie sat out most Challenges, didn't work around camp, and wasn't nice to people outside her alliance. He says because of that he'll either be voting for or against Tom.

Coby accuses Tom of being more dishonest than he's let on. He wants Tom to finally tell the truth, but he doesn't say about what, and then he sits down! No question. No point.

Gregg reminds Tom he was didn't have Immunity when there were seven people left but Gregg saved Tom. He wants to know why he should vote for Tom. Tom passes to buck saying he turned on Gregg because Ian said Gregg was targeting Tom. Tom apologizes to Gregg and says he regrets breaking their alliance.

Gregg tells Katie--wait, this needs a blockquote:

"Katie, you were worthless around camp. You were insignificant--even embarrassing--on Challenges. You would think that the least that you could do was make some friends around camp. Yet I still can count a number of instances where you ridiculed, made fun of almost all these jury members, and even betrayed them at times. So my question to you is: Explain to me and the jury how being so pathetic is your 'plan,' and not your plan to get an inivte to #2, but a plan to win you a million dollars."

Somewhere, Susan Hawk is a little intimidated.

Katie tries to whip up some tears and says, "I'm sorry you feel I was pathetic." She says she stuck to her strategy.

Stephenie says Tom didn't fight for her like he said he would. She wants to know how he did fight for her. He says he couldn't go outside his five-person alliance. She asks Katie why she should vote against Tom. Katie says Tom told her before the merge the last Ulong person should go no matter who it is. Tom denies it and asks Stephenie why he would say that when Stephenie was a swing vote at that time.

Janu asks Tom how it felt to compromise his integrity. Tom says "the game is what it is," and that involves having to "mislead" people. He says he played with as much honors as possible, he didn't try to hurt anyone, and he didn't cross any lines he had set for himself.

Janu asks Katie to list three positive and negative adjectives to describe how she played the game. Katie says she's not going to answer the question because she's not going to get Janu's vote anyway. Well that's just brilliant.

…leads to this.

Caryn asks Tom if she was just a pawn or if they actually were friends in the game. Tom says he never promised her an alliance. He adds that he now knows she was loyal to him even though he had previously been mislead into thinking she wasn't. Caryn repeats her question and he says, "I'm going to let you find that for yourself in your heart." I don't like that answer but Caryn seems satisfied with it.

Caryn calls Katie "phony and cruel," surprisingly finding two insults Gregg didn't use. She asks why she should vote for Katie. Katie says Caryn is voting based on her personal feelings. Caryn interrupts and says she's just pointing out what she observed during the game. Katie says the game is about making alliance and Caryn is on the jury because she didn't make one. Taunting the voters. Also brilliant.

Jenn tells Tom he's a little chauvinistic and asks why she should vote for him when he didn't respect her or her game. Tom admits his respect for her game "came late" but she earned it when she brought up Ian's tactics at the end. He says she hid her game well until then.

Jenn tells Katie she had a chance to be a "strong woman" but it looks like she instead chose to ride the coattails of others. Katie says her strength was in persevering.

Ian's turn. All I ask is that you don't cry. He asks them both to give the biggest reason why they shouldn't win. Katie says people shouldn't vote for her if they didn't like her "sense of humor" and are judging her game on that. Tom says he shouldn't win because the experience on the island has already been his "payday."

In closing Tom says they saw the real him the entire time. He stuck with his original alliance "to his folly" and hurt others because of it and he apologizes for that. He says to judge him on how hard he played. "I have loved these days," he says.

Katie says she's sorry if she hurt anyone. She knows Tom is strong competition. She says they may not like her sense of humor but it got her where she is. She respects herself even if they don't respect her.

It's time to vote. Janu casts hers for Tom because he chose her for his tribe on the first day which led to this experience. Coby says he got the honesty he wanted, but it wasn't from Tom, as he holds up "Kat."

And now for my favorite moment! How will Jeff get the votes back to the U.S.? He walks out of Tribal Council and…walks into the New York studio. What?! No jungle? No helicopter? No jet ski?? We've been robbed!

Let's do this thang. The tally goes: Tom. Katie.

Tom.
Tom.
Tom.

Was there ever a doubt? Tom wins in a landslide!

Coming soon: The reunion. Which Survivor has a new baby??

Also coming soon: Rob and Amber's two-hour wedding special is on TUESDAY the 24th. We'll be there. Well, not there, but we'll be here, writing about there, for you all here. Got it?

Don't hate my pathetic sense of humor,
Scott

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