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There's A Baby In There

Sticker Shock

We were a few months into Operation Fertilization and Lorisa was period-ically late. So we made a trip to our local drugstore for some pregnancy tests. That first visit to the cash register was an eye-opening experience. It was a like a farm dog getting too close to the electric fence for the first time.

What just happened here? How can something so innocent cause that much pain? But as your tail stops wagging you realize this is only the beginning. The sting will be there time and time again.

This is the point where the women roll their eyes and I admit I'm cheap. I'm a tightwad. I make Eb Scrooge look like "The Benefactor." I'm very happy and excited to be a part of the childbearing experience, but I'm not looking forward to paying for it.

But penny-pinching aside, I still suggest taking as few pregnancy tests as possible. No matter how many times you remind yourself of the odds against conception each month, no matter how much you try and prepare yourself for a negative result, you still get your hopes up and you still feel heavy disappointment if the stick says no. What worked best for us was waiting to test until Lorisa's body made it pretty clear it would be taking a nine-month break from ovulating.

Urine For A Surprise

Isn't it amazing that you learn such important information by peeing on something?

When you're trying to get into a college you anxiously check the mail every day. If you're hoping for a job offer you never stray far from the phone. When you're trying to see if there's a baby on the way, you pace around pretending you're not listening to the tinkling sound.

The bathroom door opens. Out comes your missus. You wait the requisite three minutes before returning to the moistened magic wand. She looks at the little square. There are two lines instead of one. That's good, right? It is! Excitement builds as emotion overflows from your wife's face. You tightly embrace. You wonder if she washed her hands.

So what happens now? That depends on the couple. Some people can't wait to tell the entire world. We were a little more cautious. Lorisa had known she was probably pregnant but I wanted to take the test to be sure. Now she really knew she was pregnant but I wanted to go to the doctor. Just to be sure. And to give myself time to practice not passing out.

It just so happened we had a road trip planned that weekend. We drove up to northern Arizona and were going to take a train ride to the Grand Canyon. Obviously we had a lot to talk about but we kept using disclaimers. "If we're having a baby we should tell your family in person." "If I'm pregnant I'm going to want to start buying new clothes soon." "If we're having a baby I hope he or she doesn't look like me." That last one was mine.

The baby train has left the station.

All aboard?

Disclaimer: Scott is just a normal guy having a baby. Look for the tale to continue in about a week.