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Food For Thought

Lazy States

With Lorisa being very pregnant, we've been looking for simpler meal ideas. She doesn't feel like putting anything together and she doesn't want to eat my specialty (some call it "toast") every day. As a result we've been spending more time in the frozen food section. I had no idea how lazy we Americans have become.

I thought it was bad when they started making Kool-Aid with the sugar already mixed in. Now, stirring an artificially flavored drink would almost make you a gourmet chef. Did you know they now sell individually wrapped, pre-made pancakes? The flapjack used to require flour, eggs and more. Then they got it down to just Bisquick and water. Now you just need a scissors. Amazing.

But it gets worse. Just around the corner from the pancakecicles was something that about made me cry.

Frozen Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches.

Are you kidding me? We can't even get stuff from a jar and put it on some bread any more? Wouldn't it take longer to thaw these things than to actually make a sandwich? These pre-made treats even boasted about how they were crustless. I will never underestimate our powers of laziness again.

I guess it's only a matter of time before they sell dehydrated water.

Graduates

We had our final baby class and the teacher had a surprise for us. About halfway through our time we went into the hospital and saw one of the couple in our class…and their newborn daughter.

How's that for a wakeup call? Their due date had been only nine days before ours and we just saw their baby, a full five weeks before she was due. I told the new father he should try and get a 20% refund on the class since they obviously didn't need the final week.

Everyone was supposed to bring treats so we brought a dozen cookies (store-bought ones, of course). When we took inventory at home we realized we had eaten two each while the rest of the class had only eaten three total. At least our baby's not going to go hungry.

Suckers For Baby

The nursery is ready. The bags are packed.
Soon you'll be holding your little dream come true.

A greeting card? No. A birth announcement? Nuh uh. Try some junk mail.

It's got to be a pretty sweet deal working in a sentimental industry. You couldn't do that kind of advertising on a used car lot.

The garage is ready. The oil pans are out.
Soon you'll be driving your slightly dented dream come true.

Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it. But when it comes to baby stuff, we eat it up. There are pictures of cute infants inside, so we look at every ad. "The very best" diapers? We've got to have those. "Specially designed" wipes? Two boxes, please. As a first-time parent we may as well be carrying around a sign that says, "I'm too naïve to know your product is worthless so I'll probably buy it!"

It's a good thing kids grow up and get jobs.


Disclaimer: Scott is always complaining about money, isn't he? Look for the tale to continue in about a week.







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