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What's In A Name?

No Class

Our second baby class was also informative. We dealt a lot with the labor process which is, as you might image, laborious. It wasn't pleasant to think about, but I was doing OK.

Until they showed the video.

I don't watch the Discovery Health channel for a reason. I stay away from Baby Story and Infant Story and whatever other shows they have that look exactly the same. I have no need to see childbirth.

Yes, I will be in the room with Lorisa during delivery. I will be supporting her during what will probably be the most difficult thing she has to do. But I'm going to be staying north of the equator, if you know what I mean.

Therefore I wasn't pleased when they suckered me in with shots of a loving couple, followed by nurturing nurses, then the confident doctorů.

Boom. Quick cut to baby head busting out of a hoo-ha.

It's not easy being queasy.

The Game of the Name

Time for a little re-enactment:

Them: How is Lorisa doing?
Me: Fine.
Them: Do you know what you're having?
Me: A baby.
Them: No, a boy or a girl?
Me: A girl.
Them: Have you picked out a name yet?

Every single time. Even complete strangers want to know the baby's name. Why is that? Are they hoping you picked their name? A popular comment among men seems to be, "I understand [insert his own name] is a good name for a boy." Are they looking to make fun of you if they don't like the name you've chosen?

Given some of the names these days, taunting is almost understandable. You'd think picking a name would be a more somber task for the parents. I mean, the kid's going to be stuck with your selection until he's old enough to go to court. And yet some people act like they're just naming a goldfish or a hand-me-down car.

Among celebrities, flavors are obviously in this year, just ask Coco Arquette and Apple (Paltrow) Martin. I'll have to see if Paprika has been taken.

I'm noticed some trends among the commoners in recent years too. For example, people are using last names for first names. Tyler, Taylor, Madison and Jackson aren't just dead presidents any more. You can now proudly wear the name of a geographical location such as Dallas, Brooklyn or Jordan. Interested in history? How about naming your child after an indigenous people, like Dakota or Cheyenne. Then you have the occupations, like Hunter or Mason. Still stuck on a boy's name? Nowadays you can just about slap any old letter in front of "aden" and you're fine: Braden, Hayden, Jaden, or even Aiden by itself. Then there's the always popular misspelled normal name. Jakob, Mikel, Mathiuw, Kristofer, Jaymes. Who needs to be able to buy personalized key chains anyway?

Therefore, after much research and deliberation, I've decided the coolest name in all the world would have to be Buchanan Albuquerque Sioux Plumber Quaden Jonnsun.

So what name did we choose? Like the rest of the world, you'll just have to wait and see. A girl has to have some secrets.

Disclaimer: Scott is ten different kinds of wuss and is named after a nationality. Look for the tale to continue in about a week.